Living Words: In LIVEing Memory

12/09: She left that comment in response to a blog I posted about the frustration of getting Sugar's insulin needs tweaked just right, but knowing it was just a matter of time before I would have to start all over.

"...you might see me in a life preserver on those same waves..."

We rode many waves together, Shamae and I. She was always willing to listen, willing to encourage, and willing to share the muddy water. She didn't care if she got dirty in the process...if one of her friends was floundering in mud, she'd be the first to jump in -- and, before you'd know it -- the two of you would be laughing at the mess.

I've spent the past 3 days pouring over old blog posts and reading every comment of hers that I could find...not only here, but around the dMama Blogosphere...

7/09: The day we switched from Cozmo to the Ping. I realize an insulin pump may not be the most exciting toy for most of the world, but it's big stuff in this house -- and many other homes, too.  She was there for our transition...every step of it. She was excited when I was excited and frustrated when I was frustrated. Because that's what friends do, ya know?

12/09: {Mr. Rose, ehum. Stud.}

She always wanted to do something for others...she always wanted to include others. She had a heart for others, and set an example for the rest of the world in how to treat others. And she did complete that project, btw...

At first we just left comments and then emails; then our Sunday Chats...then we started texting. I hadn't texted much, if at all, prior to Shamae...and, it was because of Shamae, that Mr. Rose had to increase our data plan. True story.

We met for the first time in Vegas. It was an amazing get away. We had SO. MUCH. FUN. We were like school girls, cautiously exploring a new playground. You know the saying "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." We stayed up until 2 am sharing secrets. Secrets we pinky-promised to take to our graves...

I had no idea then.

I had no idea that a little over 3 years later...she'd be gone. Promise kept.

We met again when our family drove from Arizona to Montana, and stopped for lunch in her cute little town. 

(Please forgive the old phone camera. Technology has come a long way!)

Shamae passed away in her sleep on October 20, 2013. My heart is heavy, sad for entire world. The world will never be as bright, because her light is gone.

10-20-09: Simple comments. Simple acknowledgments of others. Four years later, on the exact same date...silence.

11/09: Her words, when I lost a friend to the H1N1 flu virus in 2009.

Today, I want you to see from my words how special Shamae was.

I want you to know how thoughtful she was. How caring she was. How loving, fun, and full of life. I want you to know that she never judged me for things countless others have {i.e. pinky-promised secrets}. I want you to know that she never let an opportunity pass to tell me she was thinking about me. Sometimes she would randomly text me at weird times of the day just to say I had popped into her mind. 

She loved people. All people. She loved people who weren't the same as her. People who lived differently. People who saw the world from a different point of view. 

I know, because I was one of those people.

She loved deeply. She loved honestly. 

I can't believe she's gone.

Yet...I have hundreds -- perhaps THOUSANDS -- of her words written all over my heart. Years worth of words that can't ever be taken away.

Shamae will live on through the words she imparted to those of us who were blessed to know her. 

I miss you, Sham.

Godspeed.

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Hill Photography

Shamae leaves behind a husband and three young daughters. A memorial fund has been established in her memory. You can learn more about Shamae's legacy by visiting her memorial page.

#StripSafely in the Midst of Crisis

We've been dealing with a private crisis.

I'm not going to sugar coat it...and I'm not going to talk about it either.

I haven't been around, but just know it's not you -- it's me.

Well, not really. I mean it's not ME. Like, I'm not to blame or anything. It's not like I "did" anything wrong...I'm not in trouble or going to jail or whatever. That said, I do think things like inappropriate conduct, harassment, and stalking behavior should be grounds for significant punishment. But I'm not talking about it. 

Back to the here and now...considering my relationship with you, Dear Reader -- it's not you, it's me. That's all I'm trying to say.

I've spent the past 8-ish weeks dealing with aforementioned Puzzle Incident. During which time, my life has slowed down. Way down. Like almost-to-a-complete-hault-down. You wouldn't know it from the outside. Or, maybe you would...but not enough that you'd mention it.

We ended summer with trips to the water park and sleepovers. The girls started school...which means I met new teachers, went to a 504 meeting, and talked to the class. We're getting back into our school-year routine, and I even made GF mini-pies. (Hello? I couldn't leave that out, and YES...I plan to share the recipe. #winner!)

Guess what?

Dia-flippin'-betes and Celiac didn't go anywhere.

In case you were wondering, they didn't spontaneously decide to take a few weeks vacation just because my brain needed to focus on something else for awhile.

Nope. Still here.

The good news is that, while my life has been on "hiatus", the FDA (finally) approved an official definition of the term "gluten-free", and passed a new Gluten Free Labeling Law. {Further reading HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.}

The bad news...

Glucose meters *STILL* do not meet regulatory standards. And you know what else? TEST STRIPS CAN BE UP TO TWENTY PERCENT INACCURATE!

Ummmm...HELLO????

Insulin keeps my daughter alive. Too much insulin will kill her. Too little insulin will kill her. In fact here's a picture of roughly how much insulin keeps her alive from one day to the next:

So...how then, does one go about figuring out what amount of that little drop should be given at any minute of the day since a smidge in either direction can have drastic results?

Well, I'm glad you asked!

With a glucose meter and test strips that aren't required to be super-duper accurate, of course!

Nice.

Ain't nobody got time for dat.

Meri's letter really drives the point home ---> Read it.

Yeah...so...ANYWAY...there's a *BIG* meeting on September 9th. Like, really big. And we need some lawmakers in attendance.  Bennett is going...and if anyone will tell them like it is, Bennett will! But you need to tell Congress how important this issue is to you too.  Please take a few minutes to locate a few email addresses, and send a letter to your state leadership.

And...while we're on the subject, please sign THIS petition to tell the FDA they cannot ignore diabetes.

I've been trying to ignore diabetes for a few weeks.

It doesn't work.

Day 3 - 2013 JDRF Children's Congress

Checkout.

Breakfast at 7.

Bus to the "The Hill".

Day 3 was jam packed with meetings with our legislators, a photo op with Vice President Biden, a Senate Hearing, and then a flight to Orlando.

I lived in the DC area for quite a long time, but I never actually visited the Senate and House of Representatives buildings. When Sugar and I participate in advocacy work at our state level, it's a short jaunt from one building to the next -- there's just a courtyard in between.

But getting between both sides in DC, required a cab ride! This was quite exciting for Sugar, as she hadn't ever experienced a cab ride before. I'm pretty sure we could have spent the day hailing a cab from one side to the next, and she would have thought it was as exciting as a day at an amusement park. Alas, hailing cabs wasn't what we were there to do, and so it was time to get down to business.

In the order of our meetings...

First up, Senator Flake.
Followed by Congressman Gosar.
And, finally, a meeting with Senator McCain's staffer.

Then we were whisked off through the underground tunnels to meet the rest of our group for a picture with Vice President Biden...

Photo courtesy of Camera 1.
Sugar is in the third row; 3rd kiddo in front of the girl wearing an orange sweater.
The VP is hanging with the suits, wearing a purple tie.

No time for lunch...we were off to a Senate Hearing where we would share in the sentiment of testimonies to Congress...pleading our case as to why continued research funding for Type 1 Diabetes is so important. You can see all the testimonies HERE.

From there, it was off to the airport...and time to transition from #JDRFcc13 to #CWDFFL13!

But not until I tell you all about our adventure with Hallie and Sweets first. Stay tuned!

Further JDRF Children's Congress Reading from CHB:
You've Got Mail -- Finding out Sugar was selected to be a 2013 Delegate.
Media Blitz -- Media coverage leading up to JDRF Children's Congress.
14 Units -- The sinking realization that your child's life-sustaining insulin is in a fridge 3 hours away.
JDRF CC Day 1

JDRF CC Day 2

JDRF CC Day 3

The Ordinaries

I’m writing this while sitting in the Orlando Airport.  Our bags are packed, and we’re ready to head home. Home to where reality awaits...laundry, grocery lists, jobs, familiar routines. I can’t help but to feel that I’m returning home a different person. The past two weeks have been a flurry of emotion. Every day seemed to highlight something I didn’t know existed inside my heart. I’ve realized the strength of empowerment and the bruises of heartbreak on the same day – within the same hour – consecutive moments, in fact.

I’d like to say that I could sit down here and pound out a simple recap, but I can’t. I’m still weeding through the intertwined memories in my mind; trying to decide which moments to share, which to hold close, and if such a thing as “in between” actually exists.

Nothing is sacred...yet everything is sacred.

I suppose that, if there is one place to start, it would be here: I am just an ordinary mom.

It’s really important that you understand this truth when you’re visiting me here. Whether perusing old posts or reading new ones, I want you to know that I’m a flawed person who is trying to do the best she can. There is nothing special about our family. We face the same frustrations and challenges as anyone else. I can’t offer you an impressive resume or a fancy book deal to prove to you why reading this blog is worth a shred of your time or hard earned money.  We’re just ordinary, and that has to be “good enough”.

I mention this because I’ll be posting about our experiences at JDRF Children’s Congress 2013 in Washington DC, and the CWD Friends for Life Conference in Orlando. There are pictures with celebrities, “AHA Moments”, and brutal truths to be had. I’m going to ask you to step out of your comfort zone to do something that you may never have thought you were capable of. I’m going to open my vulnerable heart, and tell you about my fears.

When you see those snazzy pictures, and hear about our snazzy experiences, the last thing I want you to think is “Not me.”

YES YOU.

Remember, I’m ordinary. Just like you. Your child CAN apply to attend Children’s Congress just like we did (FOUR times, by the way). You CAN make the FFL conference a personal goal.

But more than that: you CAN make a difference right where you are. You CAN bloom where you’re planted. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD by simply sharing your story, and just being YOU. Step out of that corner, my friend. Come on out of your shell. Jump in feet first, throw your heart into it, and shine on!!!

{Cue applause, standing ovation, and climatic music.}

Let’s hear it for The Ordinaries!!! The run-of-the-mill Plain Janes and Average Joes. The ones who keep things in balance for our families. The ones who make managing our children's diabetes look easy, while counting carbs in a complicated meal that we poured our heart into preparing. The ones who know who needs to be where when at what time while keeping a running tally in our mind about everyone else. 

Stand up and be proud, my ordinary peeps, because we're a force to be reckoned with!

Dear Pediatricians. And Family Practice Doctors. And ER Doctors.

And every other kind of doctor, for that matter.

Dear Med Students.  And Nursing Students.

Dear Nurses. And EMTs. And Paramedics.

DEAR EVERYONE,

I'd like to introduce you to Addie.

I'm quite sure her bright smile and big blue eyes will reach inside soul and melt your candy heart...

Addison Parker

Addie was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes on August 12, 2011.

She was 4 years old.

She died on August 18, 2011.

Addie did not survive her diagnosis.

I wish I could say that Addie's story is rare, but it happens far more often than people might think. This study suggests that about 1/3 of people who died from complications of Diabetic Ketoacidocis (over a six year period in Maryland) had not previously been diagnosed with diabetes.

In the past few days, I learned of two more children lost....and countless others since my own daughter was diagnosed in 2005.

Why does this happen?

I don't know...but I do know that many of these families sought medical attention and were told their child had "a virus" or "the flu".  In other words, many of these deaths could have been prevented - if only someone had screened them in time.

A simple finger poke and/or urine dip upon presentation -- as in...right off the bat, stat, pronto. TYPE 1 DIABETES RULED OUT IMMEDIATELY -- that's all it would have taken.

Am I suggesting that people be screened whenever they seek help for any (or all) of the symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes, no matter how vague they may seem?

• Thirst (dehydration)• Frequent urination • Blurry vision• Stomach pain • Increased hunger • Nausea • Drowsiness, lethargy, exhaustion • Confusion • Sweating • Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath • Vomiting • Inability to concentrate • Weight loss 

Yes.  I am.

Does it sound absurd to screen every person who complains of vomiting or generally feeling more tired than usual?

I don't really care.

I feel it's absurd that people continue to DIE because they aren't being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in time.

No matter who you are...LEARN THE SYMPTOMS, and insist on a screening if you notice them...PERIOD.

A couple months before my daughter was diagnosed, she was seen in an ER for vomiting. She had no fever, and her fasting venous glucose level was 128mg/dL. (Which is actually diagnostic according to the American Diabetes Association 2013 Standards of Care.) I mentioned to the ER doctor that her BG seemed a bit high to me, and was told it was a normal number that shouldn't concern me.

Three weeks before my daughter was diagnosed, I discussed her symptoms (frequent urination/excessive thirst) at her 2 year well visit. The doctor told me there didn't seem to be anything that warranted further investigation.

The day before her diagnosis, my husband described my daughter's symptoms and voiced concern with a second pediatrician in the practice. She told him we should watch her through the night, and have her seen the next day if she didn't improve.

On July 25, 2005 my daughter was flown to a PICU, semi-conscious in DKA, with cerebral edema.

We were merely a few hours away from the same devastating outcome, and there had been at least three opportunities to address the situation before things got as bad as they were.

Absurd indeed.

DBlog Week 2013: Day 2 -- We The Undersigned

Click for the We, The Undersigned - Tuesday 5/14 Link List.

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change? 

_____________________________________

Attention: Voices In My Head

SHUT. UP.

We the undersigned to hereby request the voices which offer nothing but critical, discouraging, and negative noise to be quiet.

When laying in bed at night, we should not be kept awake because you cannot find anything positive to say.

When trying something new, we should not feel discouraged, just because you tell us we won't be successful.

When trying to concentrate, we should not be distracted by your clamoring.

When a high or low number appears on the blood sugar meter, we should not take it personally just because you tell us we should.

When life takes an unexpected turn, we should not blame ourselves just because you do.

When looking in the mirror, we should not hate our reflection, just because you don't have anything nice to say.

When things don't go as planned, we should not assume we did something wrong just because you think we did.

When a challenge presents itself, we should not avoid it just because you don't think we can rise to the occasion.

Last week, I attended a Mother's Day celebration in my daughter's classroom.  She made me a beautiful card, and answered a few questions.

The topic:  "What ingredients are mothers made of?"

When I saw the title, I froze.

I was sure her words would look something like this...

But I was wrong...

So I've decided not to listen to you anymore, Stupid Voices.

And I would encourage anyone out there who may struggle with the same pointless chatter to sign this petition, and do the same.

DBlog Week 2013: Day 1 -- Share and Don't Share

Click for the Share and Don’t Share - Monday 5/13 Link List.

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?

__________________________________________________

We see Sugar's Pediatric Endocrinologist 4 times a year. For seven years, she's watched my daughter grow up. She knew her when her hair was scrunched up into curls all over her little head...and now...with her hair a tangled mess as she tries to style it herself.

I had a brand new baby, and had just moved across country with my diabetic toddler in tow when we first stepped foot through her door. Eventually, my third baby arrived (and she's had two herself along the way). Sugar transitioned to a pump, started school, and was diagnosed with celiac under her care. She's signed off on packets of camp papers and 504 stuff and insurance stuff. I can't tell you how many times she has put her arms around me when the defeat was suffocating...or how many times she's done the same while savoring victory.

There's not much I can write about here that she doesn't already know. And it's not like I can fake anything with her either. At the end of the day, she will download the numbers and see the averages for herself. She's a smart cookie, and knows how to read between the lines.

If there was one thing I'd want her to see, it's that we're doing the best we can.

Sometimes a rogue high or low blood sugar throws us for a loop, but we've refined our ability to catch those fly balls and keep our head in the game. Sometimes emotions run high...and, lately, there are subtle hints that hormones could be running higher (EEK!). Sometimes it's hard to make sense of anything, and other days everything just falls into place. We've managed to keep Sugar's A1c in a great range, consistently for the past 5-6 years, but it hasn't always been easy -- and puberty has yet to crash our party. The fun has just begun.   

I would hate to ruin her glowing impression of life here, at the old Candy Hearts homestead. So, I won't mention the "HI" BG we saw a few days ago, after a pool party. Or the two juice boxes in the middle of the night that followed. I won't mention the day we forgot all her diabetes supplies when I was rushing to get to a kickboxing class, and then I didn't have anything except a stick of sugar-free gum to offer when she felt low. (Also: Special thanks to the new grad M.D. who did her endocrine rotation with our doctor for sprinting across the street like an Olympic athlete to find us some juice. Pretty sure you saved her life.) It's probably better to forget about what a bowl of cereal is capable of...or the fact that I still offer it for breakfast. And, seriously, I *KNOW* when I'm supposed to check for ketones, but... well...nevermind. 

Hey, sometimes I get it right.  

As Sugar's mom, she's seen me at some pretty low points, but she has always believed in me and my ability to get things back on track.  For that, I just want to thank her from the bottom of my heart.

And, crap.

It's time to change the lancet AGAIN?

More Than a dMom

On July 25, 2005 my life changed forever.

That was the day my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, about three weeks after her second birthday.

It's been almost eight years, and I can't remember the last time more than 30 minutes went by without a fleeting thought related to her diagnosis.  What is her number? How many units are left in her pump? How many carbs will she be eating? How should I adjust her insulin to accommodate exercise? How will test anxiety affect her blood sugar and, in turn, affect her grades? Will the desert heat spoil the insulin in her pump?

It's an exhaustive list of variables with no end in sight. The basal thinking has become white noise in my mind.

In the time since her diagnosis,  I've found myself stumbling over a series of steps...all the while, staring at the girl in the mirror, and wondering what happened to the girl left behind.

I'm pleased to report that a new girl has been emerging over the past few years, and I'd like to introduce you to her...

She likes loves candy (that really isn't new, but I figured I should own it), and her new sparkly pink cell phone case (thank you, Mr. Rose!!!!). She used to be uptight if anything in the house was out of place, but now she's content living with (a little) clutter. She loves her family deeply, and tries hard to embrace her role as wife and mother while learning to love life in the desert. She's also found a few hobbies that have nothing at all to do with diabetes advocacy:

She is a sharp shooter.

Well, kinda.

By "sharp shooter" I mean that I can shoot a gun, and hit the target a lot of the time. Going to the range is actually kind of cool -----> once you get over the fear that everyone around you (all of whom are also holding loaded weapons) will have a crazy moment and open fire.

She is a runner.

Okay...that's not true.

If you've been around Candy Hearts for awhile, you might remember how hard I tried (LORD KNOWS I TRIED!) to become a runner.

Yet again...it didn't work out.

But, lately, I've taken a liking to participating in fun runs...you know...themed 5ks -- like the Rave Run, the Fire Fly Run, and the Bubble Run. (On that note, saying I'm liking "fun runs" might be slightly deceiving, because I'm not actually running them. I mean, I run some of them...but...I walk {a lot} too).

Mostly I love that this is something I can do with my girls. All three of them really enjoy running, so I'm having fun making these memories with them. (Nevermind that I need a more experienced running pal to join us so the girls can run at a pace they prefer. I just can't keep up with them.)

She is a Dog Whisperer

Okay...not really.

But I do enjoy walking my dog.

Does that sound simple?

Sorry, but it's true!

I love the fresh air, and watching her natural canine instincts as she interacts with nature. Her paws click along on the ground, and it adds a relaxing rhythm to our strolls together.

She's in the running for the Women's MMA.

Alright. That's a flat out lie.

But I have started taking some cardio-kickoxing classes at Knockout Fitness, and I'm loving it!

Here...let me show you...

WAIT!!!

Remember I'm new at this.  Very new, actually.

And...while I do appreciate my curves, I'm trying to tone them up a bit.

Also, it isn't easy to put this "out there", soooooo...go easy on me...my point is to demonstrate 
that there's plenty going on in my world which has 

nothing to do with my daughter's diabetes.

Did you see it?

My muscle?

Here...let me show you...

Welcome to the gun show :)

I volunteer in the classrooms, and go on field trips. I have a never ending mountain of laundry waiting to be folded, and a sticky kitchen floor.  I stress out over what to make for dinner, and do my best to get it on the table so we can sit down to eat as a family. I organize play dates, and try to help my girls learn how to be a good friend to others. I take the kids to the park and we go to the pool. I look for sales at the grocery store, and try not to spend money carelessly.  We have Monopoly game nights, spontaneous home manicures, and my walls are decorated with their masterpieces.  I have a career as a Registered Nurse, and love it when Mr. Rose flies over the house.

The truth is that I'm really just an ordinary mom, and managing my daughter's diabetes has become an ordinary part of my life.  I may never be a sharp-shooting, marathon-running, kickboxing champion...but that's okay.

I am a dMom.  (Check it: little d, BIG M!)

I'm doing the best I can, and won't apologize for the effort I put into anything.

Diabetes included :)

More than a D Mom was inspired by Hallie and introduced to the Diabetes Online Community earlier this week.  On Tuesday, Meri shared her inner heart, and yesterday Lora talked about guilt, balancing her career, and the demands of diabetes. Tomorrow Tracy takes center stage, so stay tuned!

(Standardized State) Testing. (Standardized State) Testing. 1-2-3.

"When I'm high, I feel like I'm swimming in Jello and it makes me mad. When I'm low, I can't think, and my body feels like Jello. It scares me." -- Sugar, age 9

Arizona’s Instrument to Measure Standards -- i.e. AIMS Testing -- started yesterday for Sugar.

I refilled her pump with fresh insulin and changed the battery in her meter this morning.  Mr. Rose inserted a Dexcom continuous glucose monitor a few days ago. I brushed up on some nutrition basics, and perused a few websites about foods that help to fuel brain function.

I made sure she had at least 60 minutes of exercise the day before, a shower before bed, and a good night's sleep.  I tested her blood sugar every 2 hours between 10pm and 6am  in an attempt to catch any fluctuations that might require an intervention, and also to make sure Dexcom was portraying an accurate graph of her numbers.

I got up early to give her breakfast bolus 2 hours before the start of testing with a solid 20 minute pre-bolus in a attempt to slow/minimize/prevent an astronomical breakfast spike which could interfere with cognitive function.

I served up GF breakfast burritos with salsa (corn tortillas stuffed with eggs, cheese, and sausage) alongside some strawberries sprinkled with cinnamon and a glass of milk  ----> an emphasis on protein to help slow the absorption of carbohydrates.

I told her I believe in her, and reassured her that God has blessed her with a very smart brain.  I told her I'm proud of her no matter what and not to worry about the tests, because I already know she'll do great.  I kissed her forehead, we slammed a high five, and then I sent her into the world to prove to the State-Standardized-Testing-Powers-Who-Be that she's, well, awesome.

My goal is to set the stage for success, but knowing the nature of Type 1 Diabetes...the unpredictability and random response to a change in variables, I just wasn't sure what to expect.  Stress affects BG levels.  So does a change in the weather (it was chilly/windy yesterday). She has a bit of a cough, and said her ankle was hurting from dance the night before, and was frustrated that her sister wanted to wear one of her shirts ------ > check, check, check...it all affects blood sugars.

Here's how Day 1 played out:

Day 2 is underway.

To be continued...

Best of the 'Betes Blogs -- March 2013

Hello.
I know.
I KNOW!!!
If you live on the East Coast, then it's already tomorrow.
But, in **MY** world, it's still today.
So, technically, this post full of awesome bloggers isn't really late.
And, even if it is little late, I promise it was worth the wait...

{postscript: Nevermind. I'm a day late, but I promise I tried my best not to be!}

Introducing the March 2013 edition of the Best of the 'Betes Blogs!!!

Best Use of Humor

• Early March brought a wave of emotion as the Diabetes Online Community braced themselves for a "big announcement". {insert dramatic musical crescendo}  In the end the reviews were mixed and emotions ran high, but Jacquie manged to tie it all together with a healthy dose of humor.

Best Vlog

• Well...Sara said I *HAD* to include it...and it's the only one nominated in this category, sooo...here ya go:  The Rose Family Harlem Shake.

Best Recipe

• YUMMY!!!!!  Thank you, Carlyn, for this awesome recipe -- I'll be making it for dinner one day soon!

Best Use of Photography

• Woah. That's all I could think of as I perused all the numbers, the logs, the math, the everything. Katy shows us what the nitty gritty of managing diabetes looks like in pictures.

Best Advocacy

• April goes where no D has gone before...or at least she's trying to. And I have to say...I am INSPIRED by her passion to break all the barriers.

Best Story of a D Meet-up

• Jess reminds us that age really doesn't matter when you stumble upon a D connection. The warm fuzzy feelings help each of us know that we aren't alone on this journey.

Best Post by a Type 1

• Define normal. You probably can't. Jen points out that all the pictures on her boxes of diabetes gear probably aren't all that normal either. But, don't worry. She gets real.

Best Post by a Type Awesome

• I, too, I scrub toilets with the cell phone in hand while wondering what the square root of syrup is. Meri knows. She just knows all the right things to say...and the right way to draw them.

Best Post by a LADA/ Type 1.5/ Not otherwise specified

• Charli tells it like it is. It's freaking hard...and, sometimes, your best means only testing twice, forgetting your meter, and eating fries. 

Best story of a D-mistake

• My heart stopped as I was reading this post by Martin. Grab a tissue, and take a deep breath. Now...dive in.

Best Motivational Post

• I want to be a runner, but the truth is that I'm not a runner. Celine...well...Celine is a runner! More than that, however, Celine has the heart of an advocate, and her recent presentation to a group of CDEs proves it!

Best Diabetes Art

• Kim shares her creative expression, and what a beautiful expression it is!  Hard to believe it's novice talent!

Thank you to all those who nominated posts this month,

and congratulations to everyone who was nominated!

Jacquie

ThePerfectD

Kim

Dolores

Celine

Joanne

Katy

Nicole

Mike

Scott E

Sara

Alecia

Bob

Jess

Erin

Carlyn

Briley

April

Kerri

Moira

Teri

Shara

Heather

Jen

Christina

Martin

Charli

Meri

Shaking

Sometimes you just have to smile, 

because life is too short not to laugh.

She Tried.

When I was an ER nurse many moons ago, there were two girls who came in all. the. time.  "Frequent Fliers", as we would call them.  In addition to "diabetes" (plus a host of other miscellaneous diagnoses), they both had End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD), and their blood pressures were NEVER less than 200/100.  

They were both in their early 20's.  They were rude, impatient, demanding, and...well...MEAN. And, by "mean" I don't mean mean.  I mean name-calling, cussing, throwing-emesis-basins-at-you,  downright M E A N.

I swear if one wasn't there, the other one was.  The only thing worse than having the charge nurse assign one of them to your team, was being assigned both of them.

After a few years in that ER, I took a position in the PACU (aka "Recovery Room"), and must admit that part of me was happy knowing I wouldn't have to deal with them any longer.

Or so I thought.

Turns out dialysis shunts require revisions more often than I realized.  Shunts are revised in the OR under anesthesia...which means these patients need to be recovered from anesthesia...which means...

Yup.

I could run, but I couldn't hide.

And you know what else?

Their surgeries were usually "add ons".  Meaning, more often than not, they were added on at the end of the day, after the scheduled procedures were finished.

I *ALWAYS* worked evening shifts.

So, unlike the ER, when there was a chance that they'd come in earlier or later than the time I was working...in the PACU, I was pretty much guaranteed to see one or both of them ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

Dammit!  Why didn't they take care of themselves?  Huh?  Have a flippin' vegetable.  Stop skipping your insulin. Exercise a little. And lighten up on all that salt you must be adding to everything you put in your mouth, because your blood pressure is out of control.  Quit getting yourself into these quandaries, leaving you no choice but to come here...AGAIN.  Have a little self respect.  Do better for yourself.

And get out of my life.  

These are things that jumbled my mind as soon as I saw one (or both) of their names added to the schedule.

One day I was behind the curtain helping one of them with something.  I was frustrated.  I was tired...and I'm sure it showed.

Then I felt her hand brush against mine.

Not in a M E A N way.

More like a soft nudge.  A call for attention in the midst of her drowsy state of mind.

"My mom couldn't figure it out, and my dad wasn't ever around."

Really???  Do we have to talk right now?  I just want to get out of here before you decide to start throwing something at me.

"My diabetes.  She just couldn't figure it out and I tried as best as I could, but I was just a little kid.  She had lots of boyfriends and I have all these brothers and sisters and stuff, but I don't really know where everyone is.  Some of them are in jail.  Some of them went to foster homes. She couldn't really take care of herself, and it was hard trying to take care of me.  I went to a foster home a couple times, but no one ever kept me for long because it was hard to deal with the sugars.  When the other kids were gone, they gave me back to my mom. I dropped out of school when I was 16.  Just like she did when she got pregnant with me."

I felt a lump in my throat.

"I'm not going to live much longer.  The doctors told me that already.  I just wanted to tell someone that I tried, but when I was old enough to understand it better my kidneys were already failing. You medical people are the only people I ever see.  I don't really have anyone else to talk to."

She was right.  She didn't live much longer.  I think I might have seen her once or twice after that.

That conversation happened 11 or 12 years ago.

Fast forward a few years, and my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

I had no idea.

I was shocked when I figured out the amount of effort, time, and brainpower it was going to take to keep her alive.  Vegetables, reducing sodium, more exercise, self-respect...while they're all fine and dandy, THEY WON'T MAKE THE PROBLEM GO AWAY.

Over the years, I've thought about that patient of mine from long ago.

She taught me a lesson, and I had no idea just how close to home her lesson would hit.  What if her mom had a community of support?  What if SHE had a community of support?

What if a million things.

What would she have become?  What could she have become?

What has the world lost, because she didn't have a chance?

So...WORLD??  Are you there?

She tried.  She tried her best.

And, to my patient...

Maybe your family hardly remembers you.

But I do.

Thank you for sharing your heart with me.

I will take your message to the top.  I will tell them.  And I will do whatever I can to make sure another child doesn't succumb the same fate.

Dear 2013 SHELBY GT500 COBRA FASTBACK Owner,

One hundred years ago, she would have died.

In 1913, a diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes would have been a death sentence.  Insulin hadn't been discovered yet, and the best hope for surviving another 18 months would have been a strict starvation diet.  As her mother, I would have been forced to watch helplessly as she agonized, and suffered through each of her remaining days.

In 1913, Henry Ford was developing a plan to increase pay for his workers while improving the manufacturing process of the Model T.   Eventually his plan of using an assembly line would become a worldwide standard to provide a foundation for businesses around the globe.  His vision would revolutionize the auto industry, and offer security to his team.

One hundred years ago, one hand would hold despair, while the other held hope.

In 2013, despair has been replaced by hope.

In 2013, FORD created a vehicle specifically to help keep our hope alive. The 2013 Shelby GT500 Cobra Fastback was designed to be a tribute car to Carroll Shelby which would be sold at Barrett-Jackson to benefit JDRF.  Mr. Shelby was born the year after insulin was discovered, and died the year before this car would cross the auction block in Scottsdale, Arizona.

A tribute to a lifetime of hope, indeed.

JDRF is the reason my daughter wears an insulin pump.  They're also the reason she has access to a Dexcom G4 continuous glucose monitor.  If not for the tireless efforts of JDRF to push the studies that have proven how technology is beneficial in the management of Type 1 Diabetes, our insurance company would never have approved its use, and we'd never be able to afford to pay for it on our own.  The Artificial Pancreas Project gives greater hope for even better management tools, while research continues down the path of cure and preventative therapies.

But none of it...hope for survival, better treatment options, and a cure...none of it would be possible without the kindhearted generosity of people like you.

As I woke her up, pricked her finger, and measured out her cereal, we knew it was just a matter of time before your heart would cross our path. As we made sure she had enough supplies for the day, and double checked to be sure her pump was holding enough insulin, we knew our day would end with an emotional rush of gratitude.  As I watched the coverage on television from my home, I couldn't help scanning the faces in the crowd, wondering which one would propel our optimism into the future.

She took her place beside Mr. Shelby's car, carrying a sign to remind the world that she's alive.

She's strong.

She's brave.

She's BUILT TOUGH!

But insulin isn't a cure.

The rush of excitement during the auction has become familiar.  You'd think, by now, that I wouldn't get so emotional, but I can't help it.  As soon as I see the car, tears well in my eyes. As the bidding numbers grow, my heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness.  Our family has been witness to incredibly profound generosity, and it serves as a constant reminder of the goodness that exists in the world.

This year, my heart wanted to reach through the TV to hug you.  There...at the very end...beyond even what the video clip shows, I saw you wipe a few tears.  In that moment, I knew you believed in hope too.

I'm not sure how to thank someone for offering such a momentous gift to families, like ours, with a connection with Type 1 Diabetes. Beyond the dollar amount, it's the gift of being blessed. The gift of believing in a better tomorrow.  The gift of knowing we aren't alone.

Thank you for sharing this journey, and reminding us that hope is alive and well.

Related reading:

Barrett-Jackson 2012

Barrett-Jackson 2011

Morning Toes.

"Dad, I feel dizzy."

I was on a call in the office...a fever, Acetaminophen, and fluids...but I heard the way her voice sounded in the other room and it diverted my attention.

"Well, let's check your blood sugar."

"Yes. One teaspoon or 5 mls for your child's weight is the correct dose."

Beep.  Click.  Beep.

"Hope she feels better.  Have a good night."

"OH MY GOSH!!!!"  

Cue sound of frenzied movement, papers rustling, and panic.

At this point, I bolted out of my office chair, dropping the phone on the ground.

39 WITH 2 UNITS OF IOB!!!

I found Sugar sitting in a chair and Mr. Rose tearing open a Gluco Shot.  I immediately grabbed a second one and began tearing one open myself.  There we were, two frantic parents standing over our baby girl -- you might have thought we'd never done this before, if you didn't know better.

I pulled the Glucagon out of her bag...just to have it in plain sight.

He told me to calm down.

Before I ran out of the office, the next call up on my screen was a runny nose.  I knew I needed to get back to work, but figured it was only going to take a few minutes to help save my daughter's life first.

Not to sound dramatic or anything.

(Except it's the truth.)

Re-check:  55.

Feeling somewhat reassured, I retreated.

A few hours later she was in the 300's.

And, again, a few hours after that.

Then the 200's.

By morning, she was 190.

The description "LONG NIGHT" doesn't quite do it justice.

I turned on the light, and cheerily began singing that it was time to wake up for school...she grumbled at me and pulled the blanket back up over her head.

"It's too bright.  Turn the stinkin' light off!!!"

She did NOT want to get up.

I can't say that I blame her.  I have NO IDEA what it feels like to crash to a BG of 39 and then hover in the 300's for a few hours.  I have no idea what a restless sleep such havoc creates. I have no idea the parched thirst she must have been feeling.

And, yet, she stuck her big toe out from under the blanket and waved it at me.

Then I heard her giggle...and her giggle turn to laughter...

That's my girl.

You can do this.

A new day has dawned.

Eye Anxt.

Sugar had an eye appointment at the beginning of December.  It was her first since she began wearing glasses last summer.  The doctor wanted to do a vision screening to check her prescription...and, also, dilate her eyes to check out everything else.

She had her eyes dilated once before, and...well...let's just say she wasn't much of a fan.

Knowing her anxiety about it, I opted not to mention it until I was absolutely sure the doctor was going to do it.  Since she had just had a comprehensive retinal screening at the 2012 Friends For Life Conference, the doctor let her off the hook over the summer.  She mentioned, however, that  she wanted to take a look at things herself before too much longer.  Suffice to say that I was pretty sure this visit would include a dilation.

And it did.

And...the SECOND (literally) Sugar heard that dilation was part of the plan, she turned into a ball of nerves.  Here, let me show you...

Her appointment was at 10 am.
We arrived at 9:45 and got the news to expect dilation right away.
 Yup.  Anxt.

OFF THE CHARTS!

The vision screening was sketchy that day.  It was impossible to differentiate between visual disturbances from hyperglycemia or the need for a stronger prescription.  Overall, her eyes were deemed very healthy, but we would need to repeat the vision screening about a month later.

Which brings us to today.

With stellar BGs, she hopped in the chair, and passed the vision screening with flying colors.  No need for a prescription change at this point!

I've always read about high blood sugar and vision issues.  I learned about it in nursing school.  I know it happens.  This becomes an important element when it comes to school work and standardized testing, but until today, I couldn't qualify how high blood sugars actually affect SUGAR'S vision, because I had no way to measure it.

Turns out that those high numbers really DO mess with things!  

PS...Just because I love it....here's that awesome warm and fuzzy video again ;)