Conversations At Midnight

1st BG of 2012

I creep in to check her blood sugar every night, around midnight -- give or take half an hour.

To be honest, I'm never sure what I'll find.

Sometimes she's on the top bunk.  Sometimes the bottom.  Sometimes she's made a bed for herself on the floor.  Sometimes I have to find her under a pile of blankets and stuffed animals...other times, she's pushed everything off the bed.  The newest thing appears to be her little "tents" -- blanket strung erratically from the top bunk, overlapping at various angles.  On the weekends, one or both of her sisters could be in bed with her.  Then I have to double check that I'm about to test the right kid.  Lights on.  Lights off.  Whatever.

Usually I creep in...poke...beep...and then...

Brainstorm.

What was she last night at the same time?  How did she wake up this morning? Did she have an active day?  Should I boost with juice?  Should I correct?  Should I only give a partial correction?  Should I do a temp basal instead?  Do these questions ever end?


On most nights, I see the number, and go through the self-made imaginary decision algorithm faster than the speed of light.  Sometimes, however, I have to think about it for a minute. Lately, when she senses that I'm lingering, she's been asking...

"Mom, what am I?"

It's new.  She used to sleep through the entire routine.  But, suddenly, she's more aware. Inquisitive.

She wants to know what her number is, and then she wants to know our plan.

"Are you going to get some juice?"  -or -  "I should drink some water"  -or-  "Can I just eat a snack?"

We talk about it briefly.  Then I kiss her forehead, and tell her that I'll take care of it.  I run my fingers through her hair, and assure her that it's okay to drift back to her dreams.

It's in these moments that I realize just how much she's growing up.  No longer immune to the normalcy of overnight finger pokes and meters beeping, she recognizes now that each number requires some level of thought process.

She's only 8, and she has to live with this for a long time.  I don't want her losing sleep over diabetes.

At least not yet.

Bite Me

She mentioned one day last week that her tooth hurt when she ate something cold.  I didn't really pay much attention to it at the time, but after she said it felt like there was a hole in her tooth, we thought it might be a good idea to have her seen.  (Because, you know, we're top notch parents who let our kiddo's blood sugars go crazy while her teeth rot out of her skull.) They couldn't get her an appointment for a few days, and she wasn't complaining, so waiting seemed okay at the time.  

ANYway, since school let out for summer, we've been riding a sea of waves...high walls that build up steam before crashing and leaving us desperately searching for balance in shifting sand.  An ever present fear of being washed away...to where?  I don't know.  I feel stuck between numbers...constantly searching for a pattern where none can be found.  It's confusing, intimidating, and downright frustrating.

We had Sugar's endo visit last week.

Her A1c was up by a full half percent.  At 7.5, it was still a decent, A1c...but a full half percent higher, nonetheless. I have no doubt that the past few weeks are the driving force behind the result.  Instead of gaining weight, she actually lost a little.  Weight loss = common side effect of high blood sugars.  Blah.

I felt somewhat deflated, but (as always) our endo was quick to give positive feedback without placing blame.  As if a bagpiper was in that little room with us, the "HIGH GLUCOSE" from the day before seemed to blare from the paper in her hand.  All those circled numbers!  It wasn't pretty...but I knew that going in.  In the end, she asked for more continuous wear of Dexcom, and wants to see her in 2 months instead of the usual 3.  I appreciate that she's a stickler for little details, and cares enough to follow Sugar so closely.

While we were at the office, Sugar began complaining about her tooth again.  I mentioned it to Jay, and he took care of scheduling an appointment with a different dentist (LOVE THAT MAN!). We didn't want to go into the weekend if her tooth was going to cause a ruckus.  

To pass some time, we decided to try out a new gluten-free pizza for lunch before her dentist appointment.  OH MY!  Naked Pizza did NOT disappoint!  It was the best GF crust we've had yet!  YUMMY!!!!!  We'll be back FO SHO!  We took our pizza and salad to a park and enjoyed some fresh air on a beautiful day.

And then it was time for the dentist.

They wanted to pull that baby tooth.

She was anxious.

I was anxious.

It took an hour to convince her that the Novocaine would be a good thing.

Now, Friends, I've seen a lot of stuff.  I was an ER nurse and a labor nurse.  I generally don't get queasy over this kind of thing...but I was NOT prepared for the experience of watching my baby having a tooth pulled.  I'm not exactly sure WHAT I was expecting...but THAT wasn't it.

I've been concerned about teeth issues for awhile.  I imagine you only get away with fast acting sugars to treat lows for so long, before there's a problem.  It's been almost 6 years.  Six years of testing and treating, including the middle of the night as needed.  The dentist and I talked about my concerns, and her suggestion for nights was to use juice with a straw followed by a few sips of water.  Sigh.

Elevated A1c.

Weight loss.

Pulled tooth.

My suggestion is a cure.

My Special Seat (And Body Back Workout: Week 2 Review)

This is the song I mention later in the post.  If you'd like, hit play and listen while you read...remember...It won't be like this for long, my friends.


"Mommy?"


"Yes, Honey?"


"Do you check my sugar every night when I'm sleeping?"


"Yes, I do."


"Oh."


"But...Honey?"


"Yes, Mommy?"


"I just want you to know something.  Being your mommy is very special to me.  Of all the mommies in the world, God gave YOU to ME!  I want to do a really good job at being your mommy, because I love you very much.  It doesn't bother me to check your sugar when you're sleeping.  I want to do it!  I want to make sure you stay strong and healthy so I can see your beautiful smile every day!  I love it when you smile."


"Thanks, Mommy."

And off she went.

I didn't think much of this little exchange.  Over the past several years, we've had many brief exchanges like this.  Surface chat.  We scratch the surface of deeper feelings...and then she moves on to contemplate our little discussions in her own way.

So yesterday, I was gathering laundry and found this when walked into her room...

At first glance, you might not notice anything out of the ordinary.

But there's a note on that little orange chair.

"Sit here every nitegh mommy ♥♥"

I left everything exactly as I found it, and made a mental note to ask her about it after school. Somehow our time got lost in spelling words, swim lessons, and dinner.  Just as Jason was getting home, I had to rush out to my Wednesday evening BodyBack Workout.

I worked it, my friends.  I've known for a long time that my arms are a physical weakness of mine.  Even when I was in the best shape of my life, strength in my arms was still a challenge. Well, last night we did arms.  Boy did we DO ARMS!  At one point, I was nearly crying because I wanted to push myself to do one more rep, one more push up, one more whatever...I just wanted to push harder!  The scale didn't show a loss -- in fact it showed a 4 oz gain.  I was trying not to be discouraged, but that stupid 4 oz REALLY bugged me.

That being said, once again, I felt stronger.  Stronger than last week.  I noticed little things...like working for an hour with 10 lb weights didn't feel impossible this time.  And push ups felt easier.  And my legs didn't feel as crampy after sprinting.

There's other stuff too...like when I look in the mirror, things don't look as "jiggly".  Probably not to the rest of the world, but I'm noticing small, subtle changes.  I'm also feeling something emotional changing as well.  I don't know how to explain it, really.  I can sit down and pour my heart here, but I'll keep it all stuffed down deep if you and I were sitting together in person. There are some places that I just "don't go" when I'm physically around other people.  I can talk shop with the best of them...but I'll clam up and sit quietly if the conversation starts to touch on stuff below the surface. There's stuff down there that I know will evoke tears, so I just pour it out here to spare everyone around me from having to deal with my emotional ball of yarn.

Anyway, last night, when the workout was over, Kelly handed out the pictures we had given her of each of us with our children, and then played a song about how quickly children grow up.  She wanted to remind us that it's okay to have a messy house and laundry piled to the ceiling now and then.  We ought to focus on our children and the time we have with them before they're grown and off living their own lives.  We ought not to feel guilty about taking this time for ourselves to be healthy, because being healthy helps us be better wives, mothers, daughters, and friends to the people we care about.  If the house and laundry has to suffer, so be it.  Time passes quickly, and all of that stuff will get done eventually.

So, while I was laying there with the song and my picture, I couldn't help but to think about the little chair and the note Sugar left me next to her bed.  She wanted me to have somewhere to sit when I check her numbers at night.  That little seat was a gift she had prepared just for me out of love and gratitude.

When it was time to tip toe into her room for the first of her overnight checks, I noticed that the chair had been moved.

I sat there watching her sleep.  Stroking her hair.  Listening to her breathe.  I checked her blood sugar, then kissed her nose, and whispered in her ear...

"Thank you for my special seat, Baby Girl.  I will love you forever."


Body Back^® is the newest program release from Stroller Strides’ founder Lisa Druxman. Body Back is a results based workout program for moms of any age. Inspired by the Mama Wants Her Body BackDVD series, it offers high intensity, interval workouts along with before and after fitness assessments, a nutrition plan, coaching and support in a motivating and inspirational program. The workouts have been clinically proven in a University research study to help moms lose the weight and get their pre-baby body back. Moms all over the country are achieving results that they never dreamed possible. 100% of the weight lost was pure body fat! You will see that anything is possible!