I’m writing this while sitting in the Orlando Airport. Our bags are packed, and we’re ready to head
home. Home to where reality awaits...laundry, grocery lists, jobs, familiar
routines. I can’t help but to feel that I’m returning home a different person.
The past two weeks have been a flurry of emotion. Every day seemed to highlight
something I didn’t know existed inside my heart. I’ve realized the strength of
empowerment and the bruises of heartbreak on the same day – within the same
hour – consecutive moments, in fact.
I’d like to say that I could sit down here and pound out a
simple recap, but I can’t. I’m still weeding through the intertwined memories
in my mind; trying to decide which moments to share, which to hold close, and
if such a thing as “in between” actually exists.
Nothing is sacred...yet everything is sacred.
I suppose that, if there is
one place to start, it would be here: I
am just an ordinary mom.
It’s really important that you understand this truth when
you’re visiting me here. Whether perusing old posts or reading new ones, I want you to
know that I’m a flawed person who is trying to do the best she can. There is
nothing special about our family. We face the same frustrations and challenges
as anyone else. I can’t offer you an impressive resume or a fancy book deal to
prove to you why reading this blog is worth a shred of your time or hard earned
money. We’re just ordinary, and that has
to be “good enough”.
I mention this because I’ll be posting about our experiences
at JDRF Children’s Congress 2013 in Washington DC, and the CWD Friends for Life Conference in Orlando. There are pictures with celebrities, “AHA Moments”, and
brutal truths to be had. I’m going to ask you to step out of your comfort zone to
do something that you may never have thought you were capable of. I’m going to
open my vulnerable heart, and tell you about my fears.
When you see those snazzy pictures, and hear about our snazzy experiences,
the last thing I want you to think is “Not me.”
YES YOU.
Remember, I’m ordinary. Just like you. Your child CAN apply
to attend Children’s Congress just like we did (FOUR times, by the way). You
CAN make the FFL conference a personal goal.
But more than that: you CAN make a difference right where
you are. You CAN bloom where you’re planted. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD by
simply sharing your story, and just being YOU. Step out of that corner, my
friend. Come on out of your shell. Jump in feet first, throw your heart into
it, and shine on!!!
{Cue applause,
standing ovation, and climatic music.}
Let’s hear it for The Ordinaries!!! The run-of-the-mill Plain Janes and Average Joes. The ones who keep things in balance for our families. The ones who make managing our children's diabetes look easy, while counting carbs in a complicated meal that we poured our heart into preparing. The ones who know who needs to be where when at what time while keeping a running tally in our mind about everyone else.
Stand up and be proud, my ordinary peeps, because we're a force to be reckoned with!
I wish I could say that Addie's story is rare, but it happens far more often than people might think. This study suggests that about 1/3 of people who died from complications of Diabetic Ketoacidocis(over a six year period in Maryland) had not previously been diagnosed with diabetes.
In the past few days, I learned of two morechildren lost....and countless others since my own daughter was diagnosed in 2005.
Why does this happen?
I don't know...but I do know that many of these families sought medical attention and were told their child had "a virus" or "the flu". In other words, many of these deaths could have been prevented - if only someone had screened them in time.
A simple finger poke and/or urine dip upon presentation -- as in...right off the bat, stat, pronto. TYPE 1 DIABETES RULED OUT IMMEDIATELY -- that's all it would have taken.
Am I suggesting that people be screened whenever they seek help for any (or all) of the symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes, no matter how vague they may seem?
• Thirst (dehydration)• Frequent urination • Blurry vision• Stomach pain • Increased hunger • Nausea • Drowsiness, lethargy, exhaustion • Confusion • Sweating • Fruity, sweet, or wine-like odor on breath • Vomiting • Inability to concentrate • Weight loss
Yes. I am.
Does it sound absurd to screen every person who complains of vomiting or generally feeling more tired than usual?
I don't really care.
I feel it's absurd that people continue to DIE because they aren't being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in time.
No matter who you are...LEARN THE SYMPTOMS, and insist on a screening if you notice them...PERIOD.
A couple months before my daughter was diagnosed, she was seen in an ER for vomiting. She had no fever, and her fasting venous glucose level was 128mg/dL. (Which is actually diagnostic according to the American Diabetes Association 2013 Standards of Care.) I mentioned to the ER doctor that her BG seemed a bit high to me, and was told it was a normal number that shouldn't concern me.
Three weeks before my daughter was diagnosed, I discussed her symptoms (frequent urination/excessive thirst) at her 2 year well visit. The doctor told me there didn't seem to be anything that warranted further investigation.
The day before her diagnosis, my husband described my daughter's symptoms and voiced concern with a second pediatrician in the practice. She told him we should watch her through the night, and have her seen the next day if she didn't improve.
On July 25, 2005 my daughter was flown to a PICU, semi-conscious in DKA, with cerebral edema.
We were merely a few hours away from the same devastating outcome, and there had been at least three opportunities to address the situation before things got as bad as they were.
Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change?
_____________________________________
Attention: Voices In My Head SHUT. UP.
We the undersigned to hereby request the voices which offer nothing but critical, discouraging, and negative noise to be quiet.
When laying in bed at night, we should not be kept awake because you cannot find anything positive to say.
When trying something new, we should not feel discouraged, just because you tell us we won't be successful.
When trying to concentrate, we should not be distracted by your clamoring.
When a high or low number appears on the blood sugar meter, we should not take it personally just because you tell us we should.
When life takes an unexpected turn, we should not blame ourselves just because you do.
When looking in the mirror, we should not hate our reflection, just because you don't have anything nice to say.
When things don't go as planned, we should not assume we did something wrong just because you think we did.
When a challenge presents itself, we should not avoid it just because you don't think we can rise to the occasion.
Last week, I attended a Mother's Day celebration in my daughter's classroom. She made me a beautiful card, and answered a few questions.
The topic: "What ingredients are mothers made of?"
When I saw the title, I froze.
I was sure her words would look something like this...
But I was wrong...
So I've decided not to listen to you anymore, Stupid Voices.
And I would encourage anyone out there who may struggle with the same pointless chatter to sign this petition, and do the same.
Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see?
We see Sugar's Pediatric Endocrinologist 4 times a year. For seven years, she's watched my daughter grow up. She knew her when her hair was scrunched up into curls all over her little head...and now...with her hair a tangled mess as she tries to style it herself.
I had a brand new baby, and had just moved across country with my diabetic toddler in tow when we first stepped foot through her door. Eventually, my third baby arrived (and she's had two herself along the way). Sugar transitioned to a pump, started school, and was diagnosed with celiac under her care. She's signed off on packets of camp papers and 504 stuff and insurance stuff. I can't tell you how many times she has put her arms around me when the defeat was suffocating...or how many times she's done the same while savoring victory.
There's not much I can write about here that she doesn't already know. And it's not like I can fake anything with her either. At the end of the day, she will download the numbers and see the averages for herself. She's a smart cookie, and knows how to read between the lines.
If there was one thing I'd want her to see, it's that we're doing the best we can.
Sometimes a rogue high or low blood sugar throws us for a loop, but we've refined our ability to catch those fly balls and keep our head in the game. Sometimes emotions run high...and, lately, there are subtle hints that hormones could be running higher (EEK!). Sometimes it's hard to make sense of anything, and other days everything just falls into place. We've managed to keep Sugar's A1c in a great range, consistently for the past 5-6 years, but it hasn't always been easy -- and puberty has yet to crash our party. The fun has just begun.
I would hate to ruin her glowing impression of life here, at the old Candy Hearts homestead. So, I won't mention the "HI" BG we saw a few days ago, after a pool party. Or the two juice boxes in the middle of the night that followed. I won't mention the day we forgot all her diabetes supplies when I was rushing to get to a kickboxing class, and then I didn't have anything except a stick of sugar-free gum to offer when she felt low. (Also: Special thanks to the new grad M.D. who did her endocrine rotation with our doctor for sprinting across the street like an Olympic athlete to find us some juice. Pretty sure you saved her life.) It's probably better to forget about what a bowl of cereal is capable of...or the fact that I still offer it for breakfast. And, seriously, I *KNOW* when I'm supposed to check for ketones, but... well...nevermind.
Hey, sometimes I get it right.
As Sugar's mom, she's seen me at some pretty low points, but she has always believed in me and my ability to get things back on track. For that, I just want to thank her from the bottom of my heart.
That was the day my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, about three weeks after her second birthday.
It's been almost eight years, and I can't remember the last time more than 30 minutes went by without a fleeting thought related to her diagnosis. What is her number? How many units are left in her pump? How many carbs will she be eating? How should I adjust her insulin to accommodate exercise? How will test anxiety affect her blood sugar and, in turn, affect her grades? Will the desert heat spoil the insulin in her pump?
It's an exhaustive list of variables with no end in sight. The basal thinking has become white noise in my mind.
In the time since her diagnosis, I've found myself stumbling over a series of steps...all the while, staring at the girl in the mirror, and wondering what happened to the girl left behind.
I'm pleased to report that a new girl has been emerging over the past few years, and I'd like to introduce you to her...
She likes loves candy (that really isn't new, but I figured I should own it), and her new sparkly pink cell phone case (thank you, Mr. Rose!!!!). She used to be uptight if anything in the house was out of place, but now she's content living with (a little) clutter. She loves her family deeply, and tries hard to embrace her role as wife and mother while learning to love life in the desert. She's also found a few hobbies that have nothing at all to do with diabetes advocacy:
She is a sharp shooter.
Well, kinda.
By "sharp shooter" I mean that I can shoot a gun, and hit the target a lotof the time. Going to the range is actually kind of cool -----> once you get over the fear that everyone around you (all of whom are also holding loaded weapons) will have a crazy moment and open fire.
She is a runner.
Okay...that's not true.
If you've been around Candy Hearts for awhile, you might remember how hard I tried (LORD KNOWS I TRIED!) to become a runner.
Yet again...it didn't work out.
But, lately, I've taken a liking to participating in fun runs...you know...themed 5ks -- like the Rave Run, the Fire Fly Run, and the Bubble Run. (On that note, saying I'm liking "fun runs" might be slightly deceiving, because I'm not actually running them. I mean, I run some of them...but...I walk {a lot} too).
Mostly I love that this is something I can do with my girls. All three of them really enjoy running, so I'm having fun making these memories with them. (Nevermind that I need a more experienced running pal to join us so the girls can run at a pace they prefer. I just can't keep up with them.)
She is a Dog Whisperer
Okay...not really.
But I do enjoy walking my dog.
Does that sound simple?
Sorry, but it's true!
I love the fresh air, and watching her natural canine instincts as she interacts with nature. Her paws click along on the ground, and it adds a relaxing rhythm to our strolls together.
She's in the running for the Women's MMA.
Alright. That's a flat out lie.
But I have started taking some cardio-kickoxing classes at Knockout Fitness, and I'm loving it!
Here...let me show you...
WAIT!!!
Remember I'm new at this. Very new, actually.
And...while I do appreciate my curves, I'm trying to tone them up a bit.
Also, it isn't easy to put this "out there", soooooo...go easy on me...my point is to demonstrate that there's plenty going on in my world which has
nothing to do with my daughter's diabetes.
Did you see it?
My muscle?
Here...let me show you...
Welcome to the gun show :)
I volunteer in the classrooms, and go on field trips. I have a never ending mountain of laundry waiting to be folded, and a sticky kitchen floor. I stress out over what to make for dinner, and do my best to get it on the table so we can sit down to eat as a family. I organize play dates, and try to help my girls learn how to be a good friend to others. I take the kids to the park and we go to the pool. I look for sales at the grocery store, and try not to spend money carelessly. We have Monopoly game nights, spontaneous home manicures, and my walls are decorated with their masterpieces. I have a career as a Registered Nurse, and love it when Mr. Rose flies over the house.
The truth is that I'm really just an ordinary mom, and managing my daughter's diabetes has become an ordinary part of my life. I may never be a sharp-shooting, marathon-running, kickboxing champion...but that's okay.
I am a dMom. (Check it: little d, BIG M!)
I'm doing the best I can, and won't apologize for the effort I put into anything.
Diabetes included :)
More than a D Mom was inspired by Hallie and introduced to the Diabetes Online Community earlier this week. On Tuesday, Meri shared her inner heart, and yesterday Lora talked about guilt, balancing her career, and the demands of diabetes. Tomorrow Tracy takes center stage, so stay tuned!
"When I'm high, I feel like I'm swimming in Jello and it makes me mad. When I'm low, I can't think, and my body feels like Jello. It scares me." -- Sugar, age 9
Arizona’s Instrument to Measure Standards -- i.e. AIMS Testing -- started yesterday for Sugar.
I refilled her pump with fresh insulin and changed the battery in her meter this morning. Mr. Rose inserted a Dexcom continuous glucose monitor a few days ago. I brushed up on some nutrition basics, and perused a fewwebsites about foods that help to fuel brain function.
I made sure she had at least 60 minutes of exercise the day before, a shower before bed, and a good night's sleep. I tested her blood sugar every 2 hours between 10pm and 6am in an attempt to catch any fluctuations that might require an intervention, and also to make sure Dexcom was portraying an accurate graph of her numbers.
I got up early to give her breakfast bolus 2 hours before the start of testing with a solid 20 minute pre-bolus in a attempt to slow/minimize/prevent an astronomical breakfast spike which could interfere with cognitive function.
I served up GF breakfast burritos with salsa (corn tortillas stuffed with eggs, cheese, and sausage) alongside some strawberries sprinkled with cinnamon and a glass of milk ----> an emphasis on protein to help slow the absorption of carbohydrates.
I told her I believe in her, and reassured her that God has blessed her with a very smart brain. I told her I'm proud of her no matter what and not to worry about the tests, because I already know she'll do great. I kissed her forehead, we slammed a high five, and then I sent her into the world to prove to the State-Standardized-Testing-Powers-Who-Be that she's, well, awesome.
My goal is to set the stage for success, but knowing the nature of Type 1 Diabetes...the unpredictability and random response to a change in variables, I just wasn't sure what to expect. Stress affects BG levels. So does a change in the weather (it was chilly/windy yesterday). She has a bit of a cough, and said her ankle was hurting from dance the night before, and was frustrated that her sister wanted to wear one of her shirts ------ > check, check, check...it all affects blood sugars.
Hello. I know. I KNOW!!! If you live on the East Coast, then it's already tomorrow. But, in **MY** world, it's still today. So, technically, this post full of awesome bloggers isn't really late. And, even if it is little late, I promise it was worth the wait... {postscript: Nevermind. I'm a day late, but I promise I tried my best not to be!}
Early March brought a wave of emotion as the Diabetes Online Community braced themselves for a "big announcement". {insert dramatic musical crescendo} In the end the reviews were mixed and emotions ran high, but Jacquie manged to tie it all together with a healthy dose of humor.
Best Vlog
Well...Sara said I *HAD* to include it...and it's the only one nominated in this category, sooo...here ya go: The Rose Family Harlem Shake.
Jess reminds us that age really doesn't matter when you stumble upon a D connection. The warm fuzzy feelings help each of us know that we aren't alone on this journey.
Best Post by a Type 1
Define normal. You probably can't. Jen points out that all the pictures on her boxes of diabetes gear probably aren't all that normal either. But, don't worry. She gets real.
Best Post by a Type Awesome
I, too, I scrub toilets with the cell phone in hand while wondering what the square root of syrup is. Meri knows. She just knows all the right things to say...and the right way to draw them.
Best Post by a LADA/ Type 1.5/ Not otherwise specified
Charlitells it like it is. It's freaking hard...and, sometimes, your best means only testing twice, forgetting your meter, and eating fries.
Best story of a D-mistake
My heart stopped as I was reading this post by Martin. Grab a tissue, and take a deep breath. Now...dive in.
Best Motivational Post
I want to be a runner, but the truth is that I'm not a runner. Celine...well...Celine is a runner! More than that, however, Celine has the heart of an advocate, and her recent presentation to a group of CDEs proves it!
Best Diabetes Art
Kim shares her creative expression, and what a beautiful expression it is! Hard to believe it's novice talent!
Thank you to all those who nominated posts this month,
and congratulations to everyone who was nominated!
When I was an ER nurse many moons ago, there were two girls who came in all. the. time. "Frequent Fliers", as we would call them. In addition to "diabetes" (plus a host of other miscellaneous diagnoses), they both had End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD), and their blood pressures were NEVER less than 200/100.
They were both in their early 20's. They were rude, impatient, demanding, and...well...MEAN. And, by "mean" I don't mean mean. I mean name-calling, cussing, throwing-emesis-basins-at-you, downright M E A N.
I swear if one wasn't there, the other one was. The only thing worse than having the charge nurse assign one of them to your team, was being assigned both of them.
After a few years in that ER, I took a position in the PACU (aka "Recovery Room"), and must admit that part of me was happy knowing I wouldn't have to deal with them any longer.
Or so I thought.
Turns out dialysis shunts require revisions more often than I realized. Shunts are revised in the OR under anesthesia...which means these patients need to be recovered from anesthesia...which means...
Yup.
I could run, but I couldn't hide.
And you know what else?
Their surgeries were usually "add ons". Meaning, more often than not, they were added on at the end of the day, after the scheduled procedures were finished.
I *ALWAYS* worked evening shifts.
So, unlike the ER, when there was a chance that they'd come in earlier or later than the time I was working...in the PACU, I was pretty much guaranteed to see one or both of them ALL. OF. THE. TIME.
Dammit! Why didn't they take care of themselves? Huh? Have a flippin' vegetable. Stop skipping your insulin. Exercise a little. And lighten up on all that salt you must be adding to everything you put in your mouth, because your blood pressure is out of control. Quit getting yourself into these quandaries, leaving you no choice but to come here...AGAIN. Have a little self respect. Do better for yourself. And get out of my life.
These are things that jumbled my mind as soon as I saw one (or both) of their names added to the schedule.
One day I was behind the curtain helping one of them with something. I was frustrated. I was tired...and I'm sure it showed.
Then I felt her hand brush against mine.
Not in a M E A N way.
More like a soft nudge. A call for attention in the midst of her drowsy state of mind.
"My mom couldn't figure it out, and my dad wasn't ever around."
Really??? Do we have to talk right now? I just want to get out of here before you decide to start throwing something at me.
"My diabetes. She just couldn't figure it out and I tried as best as I could, but I was just a little kid. She had lots of boyfriends and I have all these brothers and sisters and stuff, but I don't really know where everyone is. Some of them are in jail. Some of them went to foster homes. She couldn't really take care of herself, and it was hard trying to take care of me. I went to a foster home a couple times, but no one ever kept me for long because it was hard to deal with the sugars. When the other kids were gone, they gave me back to my mom. I dropped out of school when I was 16. Just like she did when she got pregnant with me."
I felt a lump in my throat.
"I'm not going to live much longer. The doctors told me that already. I just wanted to tell someone that I tried, but when I was old enough to understand it better my kidneys were already failing. You medical people are the only people I ever see. I don't really have anyone else to talk to."
She was right. She didn't live much longer. I think I might have seen her once or twice after that.
That conversation happened 11 or 12 years ago.
Fast forward a few years, and my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
I had no idea.
I was shocked when I figured out the amount of effort, time, and brainpower it was going to take to keep her alive. Vegetables, reducing sodium, more exercise, self-respect...while they're all fine and dandy, THEY WON'T MAKE THE PROBLEM GO AWAY.
Over the years, I've thought about that patient of mine from long ago.
She taught me a lesson, and I had no idea just how close to home her lesson would hit. What if her mom had a community of support? What if SHE had a community of support?
What if a million things.
What would she have become? What could she have become?
What has the world lost, because she didn't have a chance?
So...WORLD?? Are you there?
She tried. She tried her best.
And, to my patient...
Maybe your family hardly remembers you.
But I do.
Thank you for sharing your heart with me.
I will take your message to the top. I will tell them. And I will do whatever I can to make sure another child doesn't succumb the same fate.
In 1913, a diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes would have been a death sentence. Insulin hadn't been discovered yet, and the best hope for surviving another 18 months would have been a strict starvation diet. As her mother, I would have been forced to watch helplessly as she agonized, and suffered through each of her remaining days.
In 1913, Henry Ford was developing a plan to increase pay for his workers while improving the manufacturing process of the Model T. Eventually his plan of using an assembly line would become a worldwide standard to provide a foundation for businesses around the globe. His vision would revolutionize the auto industry, and offer security to his team.
One hundred years ago, one hand would hold despair, while the other held hope.
In 2013, despair has been replaced by hope.
In 2013, FORD created a vehicle specifically to help keep our hope alive. The 2013 Shelby GT500 Cobra Fastback was designed to be a tribute car to Carroll Shelby which would be sold at Barrett-Jackson to benefit JDRF. Mr. Shelby was born the year after insulin was discovered, and died the year before this car would cross the auction block in Scottsdale, Arizona.
A tribute to a lifetime of hope, indeed.
JDRF is the reason my daughter wears an insulin pump. They're also the reason she has access to a Dexcom G4 continuous glucose monitor. If not for the tireless efforts of JDRF to push the studies that have proven how technology is beneficial in the management of Type 1 Diabetes, our insurance company would never have approved its use, and we'd never be able to afford to pay for it on our own. The Artificial Pancreas Project gives greater hope for even better management tools, while research continues down the path of cure and preventative therapies.
But none of it...hope for survival, better treatment options, and a cure...none of it would be possible without the kindhearted generosity of people like you.
As I woke her up, pricked her finger, and measured out her cereal, we knew it was just a matter of time before your heart would cross our path. As we made sure she had enough supplies for the day, and double checked to be sure her pump was holding enough insulin, we knew our day would end with an emotional rush of gratitude. As I watched the coverage on television from my home, I couldn't help scanning the faces in the crowd, wondering which one would propel our optimism into the future.
She took her place beside Mr. Shelby's car, carrying a sign to remind the world that she's alive.
She's strong.
She's brave.
She's BUILT TOUGH!
But insulin isn't a cure.
The rush of excitement during the auction has become familiar. You'd think, by now, that I wouldn't get so emotional, but I can't help it. As soon as I see the car, tears well in my eyes. As the bidding numbers grow, my heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness. Our family has been witness to incredibly profound generosity, and it serves as a constant reminder of the goodness that exists in the world.
This year, my heart wanted to reach through the TV to hug you. There...at the very end...beyond even what the video clip shows, I saw you wipe a few tears. In that moment, I knew you believed in hope too.
I'm not sure how to thank someone for offering such a momentous gift to families, like ours, with a connection with Type 1 Diabetes. Beyond the dollar amount, it's the gift of being blessed. The gift of believing in a better tomorrow. The gift of knowing we aren't alone.
Thank you for sharing this journey, and reminding us that hope is alive and well.
I was on a call in the office...a fever, Acetaminophen, and fluids...but I heard the way her voice sounded in the other room and it diverted my attention.
"Well, let's check your blood sugar." "Yes. One teaspoon or 5 mls for your child's weight is the correct dose." Beep. Click. Beep. "Hope she feels better. Have a good night." "OH MY GOSH!!!!" Cue sound of frenzied movement, papers rustling, and panic.
At this point, I bolted out of my office chair, dropping the phone on the ground.
I found Sugar sitting in a chair and Mr. Rose tearing open a Gluco Shot. I immediately grabbed a second one and began tearing one open myself. There we were, two frantic parents standing over our baby girl -- you might have thought we'd never done this before, if you didn't know better.
I pulled the Glucagon out of her bag...just to have it in plain sight.
He told me to calm down.
Before I ran out of the office, the next call up on my screen was a runny nose. I knew I needed to get back to work, but figured it was only going to take a few minutes to help save my daughter's life first.
Not to sound dramatic or anything.
(Except it's the truth.)
Re-check: 55.
Feeling somewhat reassured, I retreated.
A few hours later she was in the 300's.
And, again, a few hours after that.
Then the 200's.
By morning, she was 190.
The description "LONG NIGHT" doesn't quite do it justice.
I turned on the light, and cheerily began singing that it was time to wake up for school...she grumbled at me and pulled the blanket back up over her head.
"It's too bright. Turn the stinkin' light off!!!"
She did NOT want to get up.
I can't say that I blame her. I have NO IDEA what it feels like to crash to a BG of 39 and then hover in the 300's for a few hours. I have no idea what a restless sleep such havoc creates. I have no idea the parched thirst she must have been feeling.
And, yet, she stuck her big toe out from under the blanket and waved it at me.
Then I heard her giggle...and her giggle turn to laughter...
PS - This isn't how you're supposed to hold a gun. It was my first time. You never forget your first!
22 caliber = Baby Steps. I've graduated to a 9mm now.
I'm learning how to shoot a gun.
And...YES...I realize we have small children in the house.
There.
I said it.
Mr. Rose has been asking me for YEARS to go target shooting with him. Guns are second nature to him. He knows how they work, how to clean them, and how to respect them. He knows the lingo, who makes what model, and all that other stuff.
I, on the hand, grew up with a father who carried a gun, but really wasn't ever exposed to it. The only gun stories I knew of were tragic. Fear of what a gun is capable of kept me from ever being interested in learning more about them.
Now, mind you, this is the same man who keeps track of the number of hair dryers and curling irons that have met their demise during the course of our marriage. He claims I "drop them all the time". (Whatev. He's exaggerating.)
And he wants me to take up a new hobby that includes handling a loaded weapon?
Seriously.
I dug my heels in the ground, insisted that having a gun in a house with children was dangerous, and squirmed every time he mentioned anything about "The Range". This went on for YEARS.
Then, one day, he pointed out that we live in Arizona. In case you didn't know, LOTS of people in Arizona carry guns. This means that we have three daughters who will grow up around lots of people who carry guns. They will visit friend's houses who keep guns in the house -- and I have no control how or where those guns are stored. Furthermore, no punk kid with a weapon is going to show up here armed and dangerous to take one of these girls off for the evening...or maybe he will. I don't know. But I do know that if my girls are ever around a gun, they're going to know how to use it. If they're hanging out at a pal's house and a gun enters the picture, they're going to know how to respond.
So...if I want my girls to learn a healthy respect for firearms, because they're growing up in a culture of guns, then I suppose I ought to get my act together first.
A few months ago, Tink started Kindergarten. Which meant Mr. Rose, and I would be off on Fridays together. Alone. Regular ALONE time for the 1st time since we became parents. We needed a mutual hobby...so...I relented, and decided to give the gun a chance.
I took a class...and will probably take another one. Can't ever have too much of "the basics", ya know. We've been to the range, both indoors and out -- during daylight and under lights at night. I've shot a 22, a 9, and a 40. I've learned how to "rack it" and focus on my front site.
(See?!?! I even have some lingo down pat! Thankyouverymuch.)
I'm not gonna lie. Going to the range freaked me out at first. How the heck do you trust that everyone around you is sane? That no one is going to have a moment of psychosis and start shooting up the place? Well, truth be told, I don't. Thank goodness for hardcore range workers who take safety seriously.
Eventually, I relaxed a bit. At one point, I was out there with a line of other shooters, and an instructor giving commands. I needed 2 extra magazines and extra ammo...had my holster...my special belt...my "eyes and ears" on...so much STUFF! I couldn't help but to wonder how this scene would play out if I also had an insulin pump, a meter, lancing device, glucose tabs...FYI -- You can't load a gun with test strips.
How would I focus on my site if my vision was blurry due to a high BG? How scary would it be to experience a sudden drop in BG, only to be left in a confused state with a loaded weapon in hand?
See? You thought this was just a post about guns, didn't you?
Diabetes works its way into everything.
I decided to search around to see if I could find a person with Type 1 Diabetes who is interested in shooting as a sport. I Googled high and low, and eventually came across Mr. Robert McDaniel as a contestant on the 2012 American Airgunner challenge.
Photo courtesy of Robert McDaniel
He took the time to answer a few questions for me, and I'm excited to introduce him to you! How old were you when
you were diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes? Would you mind sharing some of
your diagnosis story? How do you manage
your diabetes?
In 2006, at the age of 40, I was feeling a little sick
and just couldn't shake it. I had flu-like symptoms that just wouldn't go
away. I was athletic, and stubborn
enough to ignore it and continue to work, play etc. I was constantly dehydrated, constantly
drinking fluids, and constantly going the bathroom. I went on a snowboarding
trip and experienced some horrible muscle cramps. After my return home, I got
very ill, and was sick in all sorts of ways that I can’t politely describe. I ended up on my floor, unable to move, with
horrible pain in my kidneys. I had still
been drinking fluids (lots of Gatorade!) but had stopped peeing...at that point
I figured I must have had kidney stones, and thought I’d go see a Dr. if I still
felt bad the next day.
My girlfriend found me the next morning, with almost
no motor skills and babbling incoherently. Then I woke up in ICU with people
yelling at me to keep my eyes open...that I might fall into a coma...just like
a TV medical drama.
My blood sugar was 883, I was in DKA, and my kidneys
had shut down. Moral of the story: When you're sick, go to a doctor.
During my long hospital stay, my Dr. said that I lived only
because I was young, healthy, and athletic.
I'm a non-smoker, I don’t drink, my BP was perfect, my heart rate was
strong, my cholesterol was low...anything different, he said, and I wouldn’t
have survived. For a week they kept
asking me if I had chest pains. Finally I asked if I was supposed to have chest
pains. I was told that it would be rare to not have a cardiac issue at some
point during this episode. It was a year or more before I encountered any other
diabetics that weren’t 'old and fat'. Turns
out, they were people I knew, but I just didn’t know they were diabetic. One of the most helpful resources I found was
the Team Type 1 bike racing team
website.
Having acquired this later in life, I have to admit I'm not
very knowledgeable. Before diagnosis, I didn’t
really know what type 1 diabetes was, and had no idea that an adult could get
it. I thought it was something that older, obese people got. I don’t think I was even aware of “juvenile
diabetes”. I was shocked and astounded to
learn that there isn’t a cure. I never
thought I'd be giving myself shots every day for the rest of my life. I am now dependent on 2 kinds of insulin;
fast acting Novalog, and a slow acting 24 hour dose of Lantus.
When did you develop
an interest in shooting, and how did you find your way into competitive
airguns?
Shooting was something I had always done, off and on. I grew
up in Arkansas - hunting and plinking. After
my dx, I was having trouble with rock climbing, bike racing, kayaking, and
other super high energy sports. One day,
I was at a sales meeting in Idaho. During our down time we were shooting clay pigeons
off the back porch of our host’s cabin. I
thought "I used to do this”. I
liked it, and I've always been good at it...as soon as I got home I checked
into the local 'skeet/trap/sporting clays' club.
A few weeks later, I joined 2 local clubs (one a shotgun
only club, and the other a full service venue). I liked sporting clays and then
tried pistol matches. At first I could 'take it or leave it', but then I found
I could hardly wait for the next weekend, the next match.
I sorta settled into 'practical pistol' matches (USPSA).
Now, I also shoot multi-gun, Steel Challenge, Pro-Am, IDPA, and anything
else that pops up.
I was on the United
States Shooting Academy Team for a couple of years. Now I represent a local gunshop and ammo
maker. I've shot a bunch of 'major' matches, including 5 Nationals. I also moderate a shooting website: www.boomershooter.com.
What diabetes supplies
do you need to keep with you during competitions? And what shooting gear?
Do you have a system to keep it all organized?
A meter and the associated stuff. A small cooler with Novalog is usually in my
truck...I'll take it along if I'm going to be away from the truck. I use a Relion - it’s cheap, uses the cheapest strips, small,
and user friendly. It seems to need the smallest
sample size of any others I’ve tried, and the accuracy is similar to any other
brand I've used.
Both sweet and non-sweet snacks are always handy. Almonds
and other nuts are favorites of mine. I
really like 5th Element energy
bars. They have a balanced carb/protein ratio. I do not get a spike when I eat
them. I usually nibble on snacks
throughout a shooting match. There’s
plenty of down time, when it’s not your turn to test, eat, and adjust.
My range bag: (for
USPSA Production Division for instance)
·CZ 75 SP01 Shadow 9mm
·8 magazines and ammo
·A 'double' belt with holster and mag pouches.
·Eyes and ears, of course.
·Towel, food, water, sometimes energy drinks (low
carb Gatorade G2 or NUUN tablets)
·Tool kit and spare parts.
·USPSA Rulebook ;-) I'm a rules nazi...errr, excuse me, Range
Lawyer.
·Shot timer
·Bug spray and sunscreen in summer; hand warmers and thermos in winter.
·Any good range bag or pack will hold all this
easily.
Have you ever
struggled with your blood sugars during a match?
Yes, I've struggled with blood sugar during a match. It’s
important to keep it as even as possible. Changing sugars will change your
vision.
Last year, in the Area 4 Championship, it was brutally hot
and dry. I couldn't stay hydrated enough. I was really hot. My heart was
pounding and I just couldn't get 'calm'. I had a terrible match. At the end of
the match my BG was waaay too high. I should have checked it sooner (as soon as
I didn't feel 'right') 15 minutes after taking a shot, I felt perfect.
Sunburned and dehydrated, but perfect.
I've never had a big issue with 'lows' but I have felt weak
or rundown at the end of a long match. A quick snack will easily get me thru to
lunch.
Maybe I should blame brain fade on my diabetes!
I'm told that adrenaline surges will release 'emergency'
sugar into the blood. I've not really experienced this in a match. I'm pretty
calm during matches, so it might be different for other people. The matches that I shoot are just not that
physically demanding. The effort only lasts a few seconds. It’s the long day
standing around on the range that will tax you.
What did you have to
do to make the American Airgunner show, and what was the experience like? Did you notice an impact on your blood sugars? Is there an episode
that talks about, or shows you dealing with your diabetes? I'd love to
share it with the Diabetes Online Community!
While I grew up shooting 'BB guns' in the garage, I hadn’t
shot them in years before going on the TV show.
The main sponsor of the show is Umarex.
They are an importer and distributor of airguns, and are located here in Ft
Smith, AR. Networking, friend of a
friend type stuff, got me an invite to apply to be a contestant.
About the American Airgunner show:
Hmmm. You know the old saying 'If you can’t say something nice,
don’t say anything' ? Well I don’t have much to say.
Obviously, I'm vastly disappointed by not winning the show.
My position is that I was eliminated by a series of dirty
tricks. Congrats to my opponents for not falling for these tricks and shame on
me for getting caught out by them.
It may sound like a case of sour grapes, so be it. The show was a negative experience for me. I wouldn’t
do it again. I learned two major lessons:
1)Don’t trust anybody in show business, and there
is nothing real about reality TV.
2)I'm done with airguns.
I don’t recall my diabetes being mentioned on the show. (I'm still amazed that you found me via the
show?) We were out at the range 8+ hours
a day for a week. It was very humid, and temps were in the high 90's. The key was to stay hydrated, and avoid the
tempting snacks on the catering table.
I did snack and test throughout the day. I had to ask catering to
bring Diet Coke (1st day, every drink other than water was a high sugar soft
drink, so I had water all day) My diabetes was never an issue...that’s how I
like it.
_______________________
Here's a video of Robert in action!
Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, Robert! And thanks for the tips to help me become a better shooter. It has been a pleasure getting to know you! On a side note, Robert mentioned that he was interested in an insulin pump and CGM in a follow-up email. I asked him what holds him back from trying one, and wanted to share his answer. Keep in mind, this is Robert's opinion and experience, but I think it's worth sharing to demonstrate the universal financial impact of a Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis:
What's holding you
back from considering a pump/CGM?
Financially, diabetes has
been devastating to me. I was self-employed when I was diagnosed. I didn’t
have health insurance...after the dx, I shopped hard for insurance...policies
were just a little bit more than my mortgage...and they still didn’t
cover RX's for insulin, much less a pump.
Now, I'm employed in a salaried job at a small business, but it doesn’t provide
insurance. They've investigated getting a group plan, but so far it has
all been waaay too expensive and so far no policies they've looked at will
cover insulin rx's or a pump.
I've tried to apply for various aids from both public and private sources. I
make too much to qualify for any assistance and not enough to pay for what I
need. The drug companies say I'm their
dream customer...someone who has to pay full price, upfront, with no
alternative. The Dr. Offices used to always give lots of samples, but that has
all been cut out. I currently spend just
a little less on insulin/needles/test strips than I do on my mortgage. Obamacare
looks like it will get even worse. Here's to HOPE...CHEERS!!!!!!!
While I'm happy to share our experiences with what works, and what doesn't work, for the management of Type 1 Diabetes and Celiac Disease in our house, please do not mistake anything you read here for medical advice. Decisions regarding your/your child's health care should be made only with the assistance of your medical care team. Use any information from this blog at your own risk.
(2).png)
