After seeing what I used to be compared to what I am today...I fell apart. Had a breakdown. I literally LOST IT the other night at BodyBack. I was trying so hard to stay focused -- exercise the negativity away -- stay strong...but I failed. I cried through the entire workout. I kept my sunglasses on after the sun went down, because I couldn't pull it together. I just kept seeing pics like this flashing in my mind...
I saw pictures of a happy, healthy young bride...a glowing new mom...fresh, energetic...smiling.
A different girl.
I also found pictures of my babies. My sweet babies! Like this one of Sugar, taken shortly before her diagnosis...
Ahhhh...it felt good to look at them.
To hold them, and think about those precious days that have come and gone. I could tell who was who right away. The memories. The moments.
So sweet.
For the record, I'm feeling better. This time of year just rattles my emotions. I used to feel bad about that, but I don't anymore. It is what it is. I'll embrace all of the emotions that come on this journey. There are some I'd like to minimize, but they're all part of the ride. I'm okay with that.
Before I go, I wanted to play a little game. WHO IS WHO? Can you match the right baby to the right Rosebud?
Give it your best shot!
PS -- Yes, everyone came home wearing the same little yellow duckie nightgown :)
(2).png)
#1 IS SUGAR
ReplyDelete#2 IS TINK
#3 IS TIARA!!!
Our summer favorite has always been to pull out the old photos, I find it hard to look at myself back then too. This isnt what I expected to look like or feel like in my early 30's!!! So innocently, purely, entirely rested we were back then! UGH. Diabetes (and kids) changes us physically, mentally....completely. I think we need a spa day! ((HUGS)) I know this time of year is hard for you. July be-gone! The best/worst month for you, I know. :(
Tiara #1
ReplyDeleteSugar #2
Tink #3
You aren't alone my friend.
Ah DEAR LORD #1 and #3 look like twins.
ReplyDeleteSugar is #2
Tink is #1
Tiara is #3
Love you.
I am crying cause I feel the same way. The before pics not just of J but of me. I long for "her".
ReplyDeleteOmg those pics are soo cute!!
I agree with Reys order :)
I can't pick out the pictures... maybe because I've never had kids and I don't have that kid gene yet. I don't know! Sugar and I were diagnosed in the same week (different years) so this time of year.... is really humbling on me. I never know what to think but I never feel "happy". I just... am. No matter what you think about yourself, when I look at those old pictures of you I still see your beautiful face, you are the same lovely person.
ReplyDeleteOld photos get me everytime. My boys were 4 & 7 when I adopted them (my Hub's kids). They are now 19 & 15, I miss those early days...things were so much simpler.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there is SO much we have to look forward to in the future. You are an amazing and beautiful person Wendy, inside and out. :)
Tiara #1
Sugar #2
Tink #3