No one had confirmed it. A doctor hadn't declared it. I just knew.
In my heart...I knew.
We were on vacation in Williamsburg, Virginia. Spice was with us, and we were fitting in one last hoorah before her flight home the following week.
I had been noticing symptoms of type 1 diabetes intermittently for several weeks. But, on this day -- Wednesday, July 20, 2005 -- something was different.
As had been the case most of our trip, she didn't seem to be feeling well, so I sent Jay and Spice out for the day while I stayed in with her. By noon, she had saturated through every outfit I had packed for her, and I was doing laundry.
That evening, Jay and Spice returned home, and we went to Busch Gardens to find dinner and catch some evening shows. I put a fresh diaper on her just before walking out the door.
Less than an hour later, she was seated in my lap while we ate dinner and discussed the shows we wanted to see. That's when I felt warm water all over my lap, dripping down my leg. I had packed another outfit, but it was soaked soon enough. Eventually, we had to go to the store to buy something else for her to wear. That outfit ended up drenched as well.
During the car ride home, I turned to Jay and told him that I believed she had diabetes. It was the first time I muttered those words out loud.
Earlier today, I was tackling the last corner of a closet that I've been cleaning out. That's when I ran across these pictures....
We didn't have a digital camera, and I didn't take very many on our vacation with the disposable we had brought along. She just didn't feel well, and wasn't smiling much.
I was worried.
In my heart, I just knew.
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I have some of those pics, too. It breaks your heart a little every time you look at them. I knew long before I was told. ((hugs)) to you... I know your heart is hurting.
ReplyDeleteI have those pictures of myself too. That's amazing that you did know and she didn't have to suffer any more! She got the help she needed because of you which is just amazing!!
ReplyDeleteAll of us have these pictures, don't we? Times we just knew that something was amiss, or that we go back to and see what our guts were telling us. It breaks my heart each and every time to see all of us have them. It breaks my heart to see hers. Thanks for sharing though Wendy. Same same.
ReplyDeleteWe do all have those pictures I guess. Sweet girl. It's hard to see them when they weren't feeling good. Thinking of you today. And...you were vacationing very close to where we live! Sorry you have that memory related to Busch Gardens now.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any from real close to diagnosis, but I do have some from about 2 months before...everytime I see them I think about how she was able to be so carefree before. ((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteI have pics like that too. They break my heart. Where do you live? You are right near me, Niki and Jill on vacation~
ReplyDeletefor lack of a more graceful comment, ditto to every word on this page, comments and all xo
ReplyDeleteThank God for those motherly gut instincts!
ReplyDeleteOh Wendy, its so hard to remember those moments and when you find pictures that bring all of the emotions flooding back its even harder. Sending you hugs today!
ReplyDeleteSo important to trust your gut! Sometimes when I look back through pics of my freshman and sophomore yr in college, I remember what my life was like before D and it makes me a little sad. I had that same moment for myself as a junior in college...I just knew.
ReplyDeletethose memories of right before diagnosis, and the pics, we've all got them. sigh. very heavy. i'm glad you knew so you could do something sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteThose pics pierce my heart. I have them too.
ReplyDeleteThank God you knew. It saved her.
Thinking of you today xoxo
Looking at the pics definitely brought that sting to my eyes...I have them of Emma as well. You are a strong Momma for going through this and living this life for 6 years. :o)
ReplyDeleteI look up to you Wendy! You are a year ahead of us in this journey. Those pre-pix get to me every.single.time. The sting. It is a time when things were "normal" and yet the so weren't normal...our children were sick. Love you.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to look back on pics that SHOULD be happy times, but are intwined with a D diagnosis. I'm glad you knew what might be the cause of her symptoms, I had barely ever heard of diabetes and my mom told me (at 18) that it wasn't in our family, so that I was just thirsty cause it was summer. It's such a hard thing to think back to the diagnosis, a very painful, life-changing time for sure. Thanks for sharing. ((Hugs)) to you.
ReplyDeleteI always look back at the pics right before diagnosis to see if I can find any signs that I missed at the time. Such a bitter sweet time.
ReplyDeleteMy heart sinks every time I look at the oics from that summer. We went to Georgia, Ohio and D.C. The pin sticks in my heart just thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope to god I never end up with any of those pics!!!! Sad and horrifying. Let him stay healthy.
ReplyDeleteAww - kiddo. Our little guy was diagnosed about the same age, and it's sad - I can't look at kids that age without thinking, "That's when he was diagnosed." It's tough to see pictures of the little ones.
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