Life is moving right along, and out of nowhere I wake up one day...
Stunned by the realization that another year since her diagnosis has nearly come and gone.
It's shocking every time. This wave of emotion wells up inside my heart, and I wonder if we're one year closer to complications. Yes. Admittedly, I always wonder that first. Maybe it's wrong of me. I don't know. I've never done this before...each year feels like a new learning curve, and I can't help wondering if we're doing a well enough job of preserving her eyesight, her kidneys, her heart, her everything.
Before long, however, my thoughts shift, and I begin to wonder other things. Like what the next year will bring...will she decide this is the time she's ready to lose her pump pack, and stash the pump in her pocket? At this time next year, what aspects of her care will she be doing that she isn't doing now? Will she start becoming annoyed with her sugar checks, and will I start to become a nuisance?
I don't cry anymore. In that first year or two, I cried a lot. Each year that passes now, however, I'm finding that the tears just aren't there. It's more matter-of-fact now. I can recite her diagnosis story as if nearly losing her life at the age of 24 months was as simple as a common runny nose.
I even have a "shorter version" these days:
"Around her second birthday we noticed that she was saturating through her diapers at an alarming pace. The doctor told me not to worry because we don't have a history of diabetes in our family. Three weeks later she nearly lost her life, and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. She'll need insulin by injection or a pump for the rest of her life. Unless there is a cure."
It answers all the major ones. You know..."How old was she when she got it?"..."How did you know something was wrong?"..."Do you have diabetes in your family?"..."Will she grow out of it?"..."What type does she have?"..."Can she control it with diet or pills?"
It's all routine now.
The day-to-day grind. Prescription hassles. Insurance anxiety. Endo visits.
And, like the clockwork...the emotions I encounter at this time of year.
|Taken while climbing a mountain trail on our recent vacation.|