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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Back of the Pack

I tried to be a runner once.

It didn't work out.

Reyna, Scully, and all you other runners out there are amazing to me., I tell ya!

Anyway, so....yeah.  Like I was saying, I tried to be a runner once.

We had our first "travelling" class at BodyBack last Saturday.  By "travelling" I mean....WE TRAVELED!  Yup.  We ran.

Did I mention that running and I didn't work out?

The pack set off and, by the time we rounded the first corner, I could tell I was going to fall into the caboose position.  Quite frankly, I didn't mind being in the back.  My primary concern was that my running weakness might hold someone else back.  I mean, some of these mamas are training for marathons!  (I don't fall into that category, btw.)

As it turned out, our amazing instructor had eyes in the back of her head.  She could tell when the distance between the lead runner and I started getting too far apart, and then had the class loop back around so I wasn't left behind.

So it went.  They would run, and loop, and run some more....I ran when I could, walked a good bit, and just kept trying to breathe.  All the while, I was the slowest, and kept trying to remind myself that I was still part of the pack -- even if the pack was way up there while I was way back here.  They would cheer my name and encourage me.  They challenged me to try harder.  At one point, I just wanted to lay down in the grass and call it a day, but they helped me keep moving.

And keep moving, I did.

At the end of the workout, the instructor said she thought I had run/walked 3 miles (that's a 5k, btw.  I did a Couch to 5k in ONE DAY!)  Most of the rest of the class ran 4 (seriously, this group of women is amazing!)

Once I had a chance to rest and stretch for a few minutes, I could tell that I might be able to keep going a little more.  I really wanted to see if I could move for another mile.  Not really to prove anything to anyone...just that I wanted to challenge myself, and rise to the occasion.

Over the past few years, I feel like I've stopped challenging myself.  Sure, maybe I'll find a recipe and challenge myself to make it.  Or see 5 baskets of laundry and challenge myself to fold them.  Or stick to the kitchen floor and challenge myself to clean it....but there was a time that I'd really push myself to do things.  Real things.  Measurable things.  I had career aspirations (i.e. ER, PACU, L&D!) and goals for motherhood (i.e nursing each child for 2+ years!) and big plans for community activism (i.e. caring for the homeless, diabetes advocacy, and saving the lives of children around the world in need of insulin.)

Lately, however, I know I'm not as driven.  And it bugs me.  I don't want to wander from one day to the next without a sense of accomplishment.  I want to jump in to each new day feet first, ready to tackle whatever comes my way.  No one is guaranteed another day.  If my clock stops ticking tomorrow, I want to leave a imprint.  I don't want to disappear into the hazy horizon of blood sugar checks and hidden gluten.

On the way home, I pulled over and stared at a track on the corner of our street.

Then I ran/walked another mile.

To make it a total of 4 for me too.

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  1. You are so awesome! I am SO proud of you. You may not be in the lead of that group but you did it! You finished just like they did. That's a big deal! Way to go! You are my inspiration. :)

  2. I was worried when I saw you pull over on Saturday. Was something wrong? Were you okay? Did you need help??

    Then I saw the tears and my stomach dropped. But when you told me while choking back tears that you were going to run another mile..... I was so proud of you!

    It took me 6 months of "running" to get up the nerve to run my first 5K. A few more months before I pushed myself past 3.1 to 4 miles and only just this month before I pushed past 4 into 5+ miles {I'd better pick up the pace if Iplan to run 13.1 in October!!!}

    YOU..... You ran more than a 5K and about halway to a 9K in ONE DAY!!! I am so proud of you!! A.A. Milne must have written this about you.... "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

    You WILL leave an impression greater than Mother and Sugar-Checker. You are showing your girls that you {they} can do anything that you set your mind to as long as you push!

    YOU are!

    I am so happy we are on this journey together {you know why}.

    Hugs Mama!!

  3. You have loads of motivation in you it seems. Don't sell yourself short. You even did an extra mile. C'mon, that's good stuff! I used to always be the one at the back of the pack picking up the rear. Mostly because I felt comfortable there not being influenced by anybody else. Only one word of advice, be careful not to over-do it in the beginning! Trust me, you won't even know you've gone too far until its too late. be safe and good job!

  4. I so needed to read this have no idea!!! I have ALWAYS pushed myself to and I feel like I have been in such a rut lately. GOOD FOR YOU FOR RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna hop on my treadmill again this week!!!!

  5. Good for you, Wendy! The mental blocks are so much more difficult than the physical challenges. You busted 'em both. Woo-to-the-Hoo!!!

  6. SO proud of you!!!! Keep going, my friend!!! :)

  7. There is nothing wrong with being in the back of the pack. When I went through FBI training, I was always at the back of the pack. I know the feeling. Finishing the race is what is important and I'm so impressed that you went and did an extra mile on your own. Keep up the great work!

  8. I think the trick is to do what you enjoy. I tried running too. I did for 2 years when I was first diagnosed. But I never got that runner's "high" at all. I quit when I had some complicated pregnancies. I tried to start up again afterward. I ran one mile and decided not to run anymore. I walked home and have been walking every day since. I truly enjoy it and look forward to this time of my day.

  9. Tearing up thinking of you doing the 4th Wendy. You have "try". That is the most important quality in an individual in my book. I am so incredibly proud and inspired by you right now. Keep it up good friend. You are DOING IT!

  10. you are awesome! Tell me about it being hard - I use to run, I mean really run and now I am slowly dragging behind my MOM.
    You can do it and I am inspired by your determination to not give up also. I am running the San Diego half and keep saying that I am just thankful to get the chance to run it, but secretly I have a goal and am really hoping to not only hit it but surpass it :)

  11. You are inspiring!! I can't believe you did ANOTHER mile! Oh my gosh, I couldn't have done 3, much less 4!! Are you sore?

    You got this one, and I'm so happy for you! : ) Holly

  12. WOW - Wendy - you are AMAZING! I am so proud of you. AMAZING!

    I just think it is so great that you stopped and did the last mile. I totally wish I was there to do BB with you. You inspire me!


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While I'm happy to share our experiences with what works, and what doesn't work, for the management of Type 1 Diabetes and Celiac Disease in our house, please do not mistake anything you read here for medical advice. Decisions regarding your/your child's health care should be made only with the assistance of your medical care team. Use any information from this blog at your own risk.