I couldn't breath.
I couldn't move fast enough.
I couldn't get up and down without losing my balance.
I couldn't do one. single. push up.
My shoes weren't tied tight enough and started falling off when I was trying to sprint back to baseline.
My back hurt.
My foot hurt.
My head hurt.
My spirit hurt.
For the most part, I stayed pretty quiet for the duration of my first BodyBack class.
Partly because I was afraid.
Partly because I was overwhelmed.
Mostly because I thought I'd cry if I opened my mouth.
I weighed in at the highest weight I've ever recorded for myself.
That was at the beginning of class.
I felt like an avalanche of failure from that point on.
Dragging myself to that class was the first step, I guess.
And, at the end, when the instructor announced that it wasn't even half of what I could expect in the weeks ahead, I was pretty sure that I'd end up humiliating myself...as if I hadn't already.
As is the case every night, I got up in the wee hours of the morning to check my sleeping child's blood sugar.
I kept hearing the instructor's words...emphasizing the importance of a good night's sleep for success...and couldn't help but to wonder if I'm just doomed to fail -- again.
When I walked in her bedroom, I knew something was wrong. Dex was laying on the floor. Obviously it had been alarming and vibrated itself off the table.
Words can't describe the pit in your stomach, when you see that on the screen...how long has it been like this? How long has it been calling for someone to come help her?
Glancing at that trend graph, I got my answer. And it wasn't pretty.
Finger poke 45.
While I waited for a better number so I could go back to sleep, I found myself circling the kitchen floor.
I wanted to grab some jelly beans or chocolate or ice cream.
I wanted to make the guilt of missing that alarm go away.
I wanted to feel better.
But I didn't.
I just kept circling. Pacing. Wandering.
I wonder if 20 minutes of midnight shuffling counts as one of the 2 daily workouts?
Recheck -- 81.
Still not high enough.
I made it.
I made it through a frightening overnight low blood sugar...without feeding my anxiety with sugar.
I'll call that a victory.
Body Back is a results based workout program for moms of any age. Inspired by the DVD series, it offers high intensity, interval workouts along with before and after fitness assessments, a nutrition plan, coaching and support in a motivating and inspirational program. The workouts have been clinically proven in a University research study to help moms lose the weight and get their pre-baby body back. Moms all over the country are achieving results that they never dreamed possible. 100% of the weight lost was pure body fat! You will see that anything is possible!