Between You and Me...

In this picture, we had just become engaged.  A life of adventure waited ahead, and we were both excited to see where the journey would take us.

I had been a R.N. for a few years, and had established a great career with an awesome benefit package at a reputable hospital.  I had great friends, a great social life, and lived in a great area.  We had plans to travel, buy a home, and start a family...

Ummm, yeah.

About that last part.

Well...

Between you and me, I never had any desire to be a stay at home mother.

Hand over mouth -- *G*A*S*P* --  I know, right?!?!?!?

I mean...I love them, and all, but...it just wasn't ever my "long-term life goal".

{Girls, if you ever read this...seriously...I ADORE EACH OF YOU!!!  But I just figured I'd have plenty of time with you guys, since my full-time position consisted of three 12 hours shifts...that's only 3 days at work and 4 with you!!!}

It's not that I necessarily WANTED to put my kids in daycare, or whatever.  I just didn't want to lose the career I had worked so hard to obtain -- nursing school, working crazy shifts, building my clinical skills...I wanted the best of both worlds.

It's officially been about 9 years since I returned to work following the birth of my 1st baby.  I worked nights -- Jason worked days.  It was stressful...but we always viewed it as a temporary situation...as soon as she was a bit older, I'd return to a "normal" schedule.

And then she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes as a toddler.  Suddenly the stressful schedule wasn't optional anymore...it was necessary.  We still needed the health insurance my job provided, but there wasn't a childcare facility equipped to manage her.  Eventually, Mr. Rose was able to find a job with access to health insurance, but that didn't change the childcare challenges we faced.

I slowly found myself morphing from being a staff nurse, focused on a climbing a career ladder to a mom, focused on climbing play structures.  I went from swing shifts to park swings, and working with pediatricians professionally to working with them as a parent.

I've always worked...but I've worked hours that have allowed either Mr. Rose or myself to be with the girls while the other worked...and, since Mr. Rose works during the day, that means I've been home with them all day, everyday followed by late night shifts.  I've worked positions that don't offer much in the way of career advancement -- or pay, for that matter.  It's not that being home with my girls has been a bad experience...it's just that I never planned on life turning out this way.

I sent my baby to kindergarten a couple weeks ago.  I felt a little lonely when I got home, and the house was quiet.  I looked at the toys, and missed seeing their little hands playing with them.  Part of my heart felt a little sad after nine years of being home, witnessing them grow up...

But the rest of my heart is excited about closing one chapter, and opening a new one!

August 24 • Day 4: Surprise! Bet you didn’t know…Today’s post theme is all about the reveal. What’s something people would be surprised to know about your life as a caregiver or your loved on. Uncover it and elaborate upon in stream-of-consciousness-style.



I'm participating in the Advocating for Another Carnival 2012, and you can too! Check it out, and jump in anytime!