DBlogWeek: Day 2 - Letter Writing Day

Dear PW(T1)D Bloggers,

Her numbers were high.
And low.
And I couldn't figure out how to balance everything in between.

There was an expectation that I would automatically know what to do.  I had been a R.N. for several years, and people would say stuff like "Well, thank goodness you're a nurse!"  or "You already know all about that stuff."

But I was completely lost.

I didn't understand.
Her numbers didn't make sense.
Nothing made sense.

I was afraid of never being able to learn everything I would need to know in order to help her thrive.  I was afraid of the nights...and her naps.

She randomly passed out all the time.  Sudden, unpredictable lows left my baby with horrible bumps and bruises all over her little head and face.  Maybe she knew they were coming, but just couldn't tell me?  Or maybe I just couldn't figure out how to recognize them?

I don't know.

About three years ago, I sat down to an empty computer screen.  I was beaten up, defeated, and intimidated by a disease that seemed to consume my life.

One by one, I discovered a multitude of blogs written by adults with T1D.
Slowly, I began sensing fear being replaced with empowerment.
Confusion replaced with knowledge.
Despair replaced by hope.

Among a zillion other things, you taught me what lows feel like.  You taught me that it's common to want to eat everything in the fridge at times.  You taught me that highs happen -- even when you're all grown up, and "in control".  (By the way, you also taught me that being "in control" is a fantasy.)  You have helped me avoid the diabetes guilt traps that seem to lurk around every corner.  You reminded me to Blame Diabetes when it feels like everything is going to hell in a handbasket.  You've shared your struggles, your victories, and given me a glimpse into what the future might hold for my girl.

For all of that, I'm incredibly grateful.

In the beginning, I wasn't sure where -- or if -- I would fit in.  I wondered if I was an outsider, because I'm just "the mom", and not living with T1 myself.  I worried that all of my flaws would be exposed for the entire world see, and was secretly afraid it would be obvious to everyone else what I was doing wrong when managing my daughter's diabetes.

But you guys have embraced me, and helped me find a comfortable place in the DOC.  Today, I have a story to tell, and have been blessed with the opportunity to help other families when they find themselves in the same dark place I sat not long ago.  Today, I find myself surrounded by healthy, happy T1 adults who have careers, families, and dreams for the future.

The funny thing is that many of us are around the same age (You know, give or take 20 years!).  While some of you may see me as a mother -- and I see many of you as a child who has grown up with type 1 diabetes -- we're really just people living this thing called LIFE.  If we were all at #dprom rocking out to Blünt Lancet, I wouldn't be there as a chaperon....I'd be there with my Honey, causing as much trouble as the rest of you.

In the end, I've discovered so much more than confidence in managing my daughter's T1D.

I've discovered amazing friendships.

Thank you.

Thank you more than you could ever know.

Rock On.

This post is part of the 2011 D Blog Week.  To see all of the posts on today's topic, click HERE.