This is the song I mention later in the post. If you'd like, hit play and listen while you read...remember...It won't be like this for long, my friends.
"Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey?"
"Do you check my sugar every night when I'm sleeping?"
"Yes, I do."
"Oh."
"But...Honey?"
"Yes, Mommy?"
"I just want you to know something. Being your mommy is very special to me. Of all the mommies in the world, God gave YOU to ME! I want to do a really good job at being your mommy, because I love you very much. It doesn't bother me to check your sugar when you're sleeping. I want to do it! I want to make sure you stay strong and healthy so I can see your beautiful smile every day! I love it when you smile."
"Thanks, Mommy."
And off she went.
I didn't think much of this little exchange. Over the past several years, we've had many brief exchanges like this. Surface chat. We scratch the surface of deeper feelings...and then she moves on to contemplate our little discussions in her own way.
So yesterday, I was gathering laundry and found this when walked into her room...
At first glance, you might not notice anything out of the ordinary.
But there's a note on that little orange chair.
"Sit here every nitegh mommy ♥♥"
I left everything exactly as I found it, and made a mental note to ask her about it after school. Somehow our time got lost in spelling words, swim lessons, and dinner. Just as Jason was getting home, I had to rush out to my Wednesday evening BodyBack Workout.
I worked it, my friends. I've known for a long time that my arms are a physical weakness of mine. Even when I was in the best shape of my life, strength in my arms was still a challenge. Well, last night we did arms. Boy did we DO ARMS! At one point, I was nearly crying because I wanted to push myself to do one more rep, one more push up, one more whatever...I just wanted to push harder! The scale didn't show a loss -- in fact it showed a 4 oz gain. I was trying not to be discouraged, but that stupid 4 oz REALLY bugged me.
That being said, once again, I felt stronger. Stronger than last week. I noticed little things...like working for an hour with 10 lb weights didn't feel impossible this time. And push ups felt easier. And my legs didn't feel as crampy after sprinting.
There's other stuff too...like when I look in the mirror, things don't look as "jiggly". Probably not to the rest of the world, but I'm noticing small, subtle changes. I'm also feeling something emotional changing as well. I don't know how to explain it, really. I can sit down and pour my heart here, but I'll keep it all stuffed down deep if you and I were sitting together in person. There are some places that I just "don't go" when I'm physically around other people. I can talk shop with the best of them...but I'll clam up and sit quietly if the conversation starts to touch on stuff below the surface. There's stuff down there that I know will evoke tears, so I just pour it out here to spare everyone around me from having to deal with my emotional ball of yarn.
Anyway, last night, when the workout was over, Kelly handed out the pictures we had given her of each of us with our children, and then played a song about how quickly children grow up. She wanted to remind us that it's okay to have a messy house and laundry piled to the ceiling now and then. We ought to focus on our children and the time we have with them before they're grown and off living their own lives. We ought not to feel guilty about taking this time for ourselves to be healthy, because being healthy helps us be better wives, mothers, daughters, and friends to the people we care about. If the house and laundry has to suffer, so be it. Time passes quickly, and all of that stuff will get done eventually.
So, while I was laying there with the song and my picture, I couldn't help but to think about the little chair and the note Sugar left me next to her bed. She wanted me to have somewhere to sit when I check her numbers at night. That little seat was a gift she had prepared just for me out of love and gratitude.
When it was time to tip toe into her room for the first of her overnight checks, I noticed that the chair had been moved.
I sat there watching her sleep. Stroking her hair. Listening to her breathe. I checked her blood sugar, then kissed her nose, and whispered in her ear...
"Thank you for my special seat, Baby Girl. I will love you forever."
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Oh, Wendy! How absolutely beautiful this post is! Sugar is a very special little girl and you're one amazing woman! Don't let the 4 oz. discourage you. Just think, it's 4 oz of muscle! And how much more of your weight has turned from fat to muscle? You're doing great and those small changes you notice in your own body are incredible markers of how hard you're working and how your health is changing for the better! Keep up the awesome work!
ReplyDeleteWendy, Wendy. This post moves my heart like God moving a mountain. Forceful and strong words of the changes in you. Such a work of art these words are. From your realizations of physical strength to emotional breakthroughs to your sweet, sweet daughter showing you some majorly big love. And the best part? She is YOUR daughter . . . which means YOU instilled in her the ability to display love like that. Through caring and DOING and . . . I just can't describe how those photos make me feel. Certainly empowered to be a better D-mom; that's fo' sure!!!! <3 you Wendy
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing post!!! I am totally relating to the surface talk right now in my life. I clam up when diabetes and emotions are a topic. I steer clear. Ugh...the chair is so sweet. And you are right, exercise does a body and mind good!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! You know how to make a girl cry!! Sugar is just the sweetest, most thoughtful, special girl...just like her Momma!
ReplyDeleteSo much of what you said spoke to me. I need to learn to "let go" of the way it makes me feel when my house is not clean or the laundry is not done. I need to "let it go" and just focus on my girls, because all to soon they turn 8! And on and on! Thank you for this reminder. You are an inspiration and I'm so proud of you!
Such a sweetheart your Sugar is!!!! You need to keep that note!
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. When we take care of ourselves, we enable ourselves to take better care of those we love. If only I could put a little sticky note in my brain! I need the frequent reminder. I spend too much time taking care of others and not nearly enough time taking care of me.
This is the most precious post - I love those little exchanges between mother and child...how sweet she left you a note! I find that I don't mind cuddling in bed with Adam after checking his sugar and tickling his back if he wakes up. It's precious, wonderful quiet time with my kiddo.
ReplyDeletegood for you on the exercise! I'm trying to take baby steps towards exercising - like walking to the park with the kids vs. driving. :)
So beautiful! Thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteSo awesome! I totally needed three tissues from the box on the table that I mentioned in my comment to Roselady!! My Bean is into writing me notes lately, too, so I was in tears before I even listened to the song...didn't want to listen and read at the same time ~ not enough brain power at the moment!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are inspiring on so many levels today..THANKS!
oh, and remember that crappy saying 'muscle weighs more than fat' to deal with those silly 4 oz!! (I say crappy because there's nothing that really makes you feel 'better' when that scale goes up, even a little and even when you are seeing improvements!)
Oh how wonderfully sweet! Just lovely, in so many ways.
ReplyDeletewhy, why, why must I cry so often reading blogpost? I am touched by this, and yes I HEART Darius Rucker, but really I am amazed at how your daughter wanted to make sure you had a special place to be when you needed to check her. I love seeing into the hearts of our babes and knowing how truly loving they are.
ReplyDeleteBravo to you for keeping up on your workout schedule, it actually sounds like fun. Someday when TJ doesn't work 14 hr days and my family is closer I'll find a better way to work out, but currently I am hoping that just chasing the boys, playing soccer, and going for the occasional 10 mile run helps :)
Have a great day!
Crying...listening to the song and I read the post earlier on my phone. Sugar is such a sweet and caring child Wendy...that is from you. You are a "caretaker" of all that you know. I love that about you.
ReplyDeleteFist bump Sugar from Joe...he is psyched tonight...it is his Birthday-Eve! xoxo
What a sweetypie!! And you my friend are kicking ass!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a precious little girl you've got! So sweet that she wants to make sure you've got a special place to sit while you go check on her at night! And I couldn't help but notice the stuffed animal in the shoebox...C does the same thing for hers too :)
ReplyDeleteHow precious...Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteThis has got to be one of the sweetest things I've ever read. Thank you so much for infecting us all with your sweet little girl.
ReplyDeleteYOur baby girl is soo sweet-she's thinking of you. It's the one thing she could do for you when you are watching over her. She is precious. Love her some more! (and you are loving her by taking care of yourself-keep it up!)
ReplyDeleteI'm crying. So so sweet! (and so proud of YOU!)
ReplyDeleteTears are just falling from my cheeks! It's the little things that mean so much!
ReplyDeleteKeep up your AWESOME work Wendy!
Oh my Wendy...that is the sweetest thing. She is such a sweet girl:)
ReplyDeleteOk, now I'm crying...how sweet! This is a special post, and a special sweet girl! :)
ReplyDelete