Dearest Ella.

Natalie Grant - "Held"

I've been sitting here for an hour.

Maybe more.

I'm really not sure.

Alec.  Jesse.  Trent.  Chantal ("Sui").  Madeline.  Breanne.  Mary Kathryn.

I type these names with a heavy heart.  They are a small collection of names that belong to a larger list of children who have lost their lives to Type 1 Diabetes.

Today, it is with great sadness that I add the name of another beautiful child.

Eilish

Meaning:  God's Promise

Eilish and her younger sister, Ella
(Picture from CWD member profile)

I cannot begin to fathom the emptiness that must exist.  The heartache.  The grief.  The news today has knocked the wind out of me....and reminded me, once again, of how quickly everything can change.

My immediate thoughts turn to Eilish's parents....parents who were vigilant and educated....parents who embraced the challenge of Type 1 Diabetes and were sacrificially willing to do whatever necessary to ensure their daughter's well being....parents who, yesterday, feared this potential complication in the back of their minds -- and then woke up today to realize it firsthand.

And then I think of Ella.  Sweet Ella...the sister who is left behind.  I look at the picture of the two of them running on the beach and cannot help but to envision my own daughters.  I never had a sister growing up, but my girls have taught me how steadfast and indivisible the bond of sisterhood stands.

I cannot help but to come back to Ella in my mind over and over again.  Yes....I am a mother raising a child with diabetes. My heart cannot rationalize the pain that must exist in the emptiness.  But I'm also a little sister.  A little sister who once ran with her older brother while chasing waves on the beach.  A little sister who knows all too well what life becomes when the world around you shatters by the unexpected death of an older sibling.

And so, from the depths of my Candy Heart, I want to share these words....

Dearest Ella,


Your name has many meanings, including Bright Light and Beautiful Fairy.


Your mommy and daddy may cry alot in the days, weeks, months, and years that lie ahead.  You don't have to be afraid. When you see their tears, please remember that they love you and they are not angry with you.


I am sure you have always been, and will continue to be, a bright light in the world around you.  Despite the confusion, sadness, and anger you may experience, please do not ever forget how incredibly special you are.


You, Sweet Ella, have done nothing wrong.  You loved your sister with all  your heart and she knew how much you loved her.  I can see how special she was to you when I look at pictures of the two of you together.  If I can see your bright light in the pictures, I can only imagine the immense love your friends and family must have witnessed.


As you grow up, you may often ponder what your life would have been like if Eilish was there to share your journey.  It's okay to think about her as often as you want. It's okay to cry too.  She will never be far from your thoughts as you embark on the milestones of life -- your first date, your first day at college, your wedding...Eilish will remain in your heart forever.


Diabetes can never take that away.

God, make me brave for life: oh, braver than this.

Let me straighten after pain, as a tree straightens after the rain,

Shining and lovely again.

God, make me brave for life; much braver than this.

As the blown grass lifts, let me rise

From sorrow with quiet eyes,

Knowing Thy way is wise.

God, make me brave, life brings

Such blinding things.

Help me to keep my sight;

Help me to see aright

That out of dark comes light.

--Author unknown

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WAYS YOU CAN HONOR EILISH'S MEMORY.

Tributes to Eilish by my Fellow Bloggers:

I'm trying to keep track of them.  If you have a contribution, please use the linky to add your post.  Thank You.

Sweet Dreams (The Princess and The Pump)

Strengthening Our Armor (Our Diabetic Life)

This Is Why (Sweet to the Soul)

Why We Need A Cure (My Sugar Bugs)

Eilish (D-Tales)

In Your Honor (Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates)

The Hidden Truth (Beta Buddies)